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“...and though she turned, now into fire, now into water, and now into a beast, he did not let her go till he saw that she had resumed her former shape.”

What makes a hero? A blue background, perhaps. The action of holding a slate. A barbed wire tattoo on the left arm. Hair on face. Shirt. Smile. Ah, I don’t know—but get a load of this.

Since its release last week, One Direction’s new album Made in the A.M. has echoed loudly over the hot, muddy shit pits of hell. “I’ve got fire for a heart, I’m not scared of the dark. You’ve never seen it look so easy.” On the beat, the devil cackles and takes a coal from the fire, tossing it onto Harry Styles’s…

Last week, we let you in on a little secret: a diamond was for sale, and it was yours for the taking. Now it looks as though Josephine’s father bought it for her. AGAIN.

[Singing] Leeeoooo, to Leeooooo, Happy Birthday to Leeeooooo, actor and founding member of the Pussy Posseeee. [End] It’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s 41st birthday today and he sure still doesn’t have any Oscars, but boy has he vacationed with models and Richie Akiva. Let’s remember his year as a 40-year-old—together.

The dreaded Jeremy Renner is the subject of a new Maxim interview during which he talks about a number of things—baseball cap, challenge myself, wallet— and among them is his favorite curse word. I bet you can guess what it is—if you try.

In life you have to take the good with the bad because you have no choice. Fine. In the forest, though, you should be able to put your foot down: no gross and scary stuff with the ground.

This is a secret. Please turn the brightness on your screen to “low,” lower your read-speaking voice to a whisper, and mime typing. Alexis Bledel is allegedly pregnant. Oh no. Look around—did anyone hear you say?

Pranka, pranka, pranka. This guy loves pranks! Mr. Bond, to you—Prank Bond.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this: a lot of pricks typing “ya” now, when they’re saying yeah to you. These pricks. These fucking jerks.

Nearly a month ago, Ellen Pompeo unleashed a devastating tweet attack against Daniel Craig—a tweet attack so thoroughly ruinous that not a single celebrity news media outlet was left standing in its wake, each sent shivering to a filthy grave, covered in dirt and shit. Now she’s finally owning up to her outrage.

GG Allin would shit onstage, but did he ever shred $1.1 million to fuck over his heirs? I don’t think so. So let me tell you about this lady, then.

What’s that on your finger? Take a look again, closer.

It is often said that life is about the journey rather than the destination. OK. If you’re so smart, then, what if the destination is a small clearing in the wilderness wherein a skunk is doing an impressive, seconds-long handstand? What’s more important then?

It is almost four p.m. in Brooklyn, New York, and the sun will soon set to carry us unwillingly into a long, dark night—one of very many to come. For now, though, the sun is shining. Doesn’t have anything to do with this pig, just looking out a window currently.

Ed Sheeran is famous for performing acoustic hip hop covers and for comparing his album sales to the much larger album sales of Taylor Swift, as if they were very similar. But do you think you know everything about Ed Sheeran? Well. You do not.

Alone in your room, in front of your mirror, holding a hairbrush as if it were a microphone, you can be anyone—either GOP candidate or Beyoncé. In this quiz, however, you can only be one: either GOP candidate or Beyoncé.

Leonardo DiCaprio certainly looked one kind of way when he was younger. But is there another guy now—a Swedish one—who looks sort of like that kind of way, also?

Green-Wood Cemetery, a National Historic Landmark, stretches across 478 acres of Brooklyn. But what if instead of using that land for a cemetery, somebody used that land for affordable housing? Huh, a good idea. The housing would be haunted, yes—but of use.