The last time my mother and I had an actual conversation was on Mother’s Day 2014, when she told me that I shouldn’t have bothered calling her. Switching between Russian and heavily accented English, she said it was insulting for me to wish her well on this holiday when I hadn’t done anything to make her a happy…

If you are reading this, I am high. Very, very high. I’m on two Xanax, one Norco, and a handful of ibuprofen I took just for taste. Today, I take this combination because my retina detached and I needed emergency surgery. One Saturday two years ago, I took it after my audition day on this website.

With Thanksgiving soon drawing to a close, you may be wondering what to do with all those pictures you took of your dinner. Now that you’ve got your five Instagram likes, won’t you share the food porn with us, too?

Let’s be real: everyone loves to fart and hates to exercise. That’s why so many of us were excited by the recent news that farting could potentially make you lose weight! “I fart all day,” we all thought, “I could be a size two by Christmas.” Too bad it was all a beautiful shit-smelling lie.

Happy Thanksgiving! Is this or is this not an accurate depiction of exactly what you look like right now, filled up on turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce from a can? It’s okay! Just know that this meerkat totally, totally gets you.

Earlier this week, a brave woman made headlines when she took her vagina into her own hands and decided to see if she could make bread out of the yeast she found within. Good news: she could! Better news: she just ate it!

Welcome, friends, to another round of Thanksgiving terror. Right now, you’re probably about to make some awful memories, so why not share them with us, your loving internet family, so that we can all laugh and cry together?

All glory to Donald Trump, a man whose lack of self-awareness and repugnant attitude don’t take a break even during the holiday season. No one knows what the presidential contender’s got in store for Christmas, but for Thanksgiving he’s making fun of disabled people.

People have strange traditions when it comes to Thanksgiving. As someone who does not celebrate—and it’s Boston Market all the way when I do—I’ve always found the cranberry sauce out of a can thing kind of weird. But not as weird as Jello with mayonnaise, which is, apparently a real thing.

Hot new couple alert: Former One Directioner (and possible member of Isis, according to The Huffington Post) Zayn Malik and model Gigi Hadid were seen canoodling at a trendy restaurant on Tuesday night. Are they together? Mysterious sources say yes!

Just imagine: by this time tomorrow you’ll either be stuffing your face with delicious turkey or (like me) a delivery pizza with at least three toppings on it. Either way, you’ll probably be too tired to watch the Charlie Brown thanksgiving special, so why not take a few minutes to enjoy it now and then spend the…

Molly Soda is an acclaimed artist (and Tumblr icon) whose earlier work includes critiques of “natural makeup” and the culture of selfies. Her most recent project, however, is quite a departure. It’s a zine in which Soda, who admits she overshares online, leaks her own nudes and embarrassing text messages. Why? Because…

Christmas is only a month away, so don’t forget to stock up on this year’s hottest toy: it’s a squish balls that look vaguely like herpes sores named Bunchems, and their primary claim to fame is that they’ll get stuck in your kids’ hair forever.

If your family Thanksgiving dinner fills you with dread and your relatives don’t like Adele enough to turn off their racist ranting to sing along to “Hello,” there’s a new and exciting thing to discuss with them over your Butterball—a podcast entitled My Dad Wrote a Porno, which is, as you might have guessed, about a…

Sherri Shepherd’s baby saga continues. The actress, who’s been trying to get out of paying child support for a baby she had by surrogate, has been ordered to keep making payments—despite her continued claim that the baby was a way for her ex to commit fraud against her.

Last week, an Australian man went viral after his passport photo—bearing his name, Phuc Dat Bich—made the rounds of the internet. The reason his name garnered so much attention? Facebook thought it was fake and shut his account down over and over. Now, Bich is thanking his supporters for recognizing that naming…

In this current economy, more and more businesses are asking their workers to do two jobs for the price of one. Such seems to be the case of a Canadian firm looking for a content writer/sometime receptionist. It would help if the person was female, of course, because real men don’t do reception.

You likely already know that Kermit and Miss Piggy are no longer together, and that Kermit’s got a new flame—another pig, who looks like a cross between Lana del Rey and Margaery Tyrell. That’s gotta hurt.

Rumored actual baby and notorious donut-licker Ariana Grande won an award at the American Music Awards Sunday night—and the win really goes to her grandma, who told Grande that she voted on the computer so that her granddaughter would win.

This is Junior. Junior is a French bulldog. Junior likes to ride in cars and sing ‘Diamonds’ with some dude who’s obviously in his 30s but still knows how to live life despite death’s slow approach. Junior is just as good at singing as Rihanna is. Please press play if you don’t believe me.