Joey Chestnut avenged last year’s shocking loss to Matt Stonie in consuming 70 hot dogs (and buns) at today’s Hot Dog Contest at Coney Island. Stonie managed just 53 in a disappointing second-place finish.

Today Serena Williams beat Svetlana Kuznetsova 7-5, 6-0 with a blistering nuclear warhead of a second set, but that destruction pales in comparison to the wasteland of Chris Broussard left by one Stephen A. Smith as they debated Kevin Durant’s signing with the Golden State Warriors.

Kevin Durant has signed with Golden State, declaring Oakland to be the city that offers “the greatest potential for my contribution and personal growth,” according to an article attributed to him on The Players’ Tribune.

Kevin Durant has agreed to return to the Oklahoma City Thunder, according to a CBS Sports report this morning that either features people broadcasting from the future or reporting a story before it actually happened.

Kevin Durant has agreed to a max deal with the Golden State Warriors, according to a CBS Sports report this morning that either features people broadcasting from the future or reporting a story before it actually happened.

Kevin Durant has agreed to a max deal with the Boston Celtics, according to a CBS Sports report this morning that either features people broadcasting from the future or reporting a story before it actually happened.

We have learned much about Vin Scully in this, his 67th and final season calling the Dodgers. He hates socialism, for example, and today we learned he hates Idiots On The Field—especially the kind protesting the existence of hot dogs, like those who interrupted today’s game in Los Angeles.

John Isner, whose 2010 match against Nicolas Mahut was the longest in history, faced another marathon today at Wimbledon against Jo-Wilfried Tsonga—and came out on the losing end, this time, 6-7, 3-6, 7-6, 6-2, 19-17 as the Frenchman overcame a double fault in the decisive game to beat the American.

If NASCAR is racing at Daytona, then one car can ruin a lot of people’s day—as happened on the 90th lap tonight when Jamie McMurray’s #1 got just a bit too much into Jimmie Johnson’s way, leading to The Big One. Kevin Harvick’s car didn’t look so great afterward:

A mostly-uninspired Germany-Italy quarterfinal devolved to a terrible penalty shootout, one finally and mercifully won by Germany after Matteo Darmian became the last of many Italians to choke. He only ever approached the ball thanks to fuckups by Müller, Özil, and Schweinsteiger that forced PK overtime.

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Novak Djokovic failed to reach a Slam quarterfinal for the first time in seven years, as American Sam Querrey knocked off the world #1 today at Wimbledon 7-6, 6-1, 3-6, 7-6. Querrey, the 41st-ranked player in the world, reached only his fourth-ever Slam round of 16.

This week the Tampa Bay Times published a bonkers story that is so exceptionally Floridian that I have to share it with you all. It features partying, foreclosures, drugs, The Undertaker, racketeering, and a cosmetic surgeon, among other things.

Duron Carter aimed for the football version of a Gordie Howe hat trick after the former Ohio State Buckeye (and, briefly, Indianapolis Colt) caught a touchdown pass for the Alouettes before knocking down an Ottawa coach and starting a brawl that resulted in a very Canadian string of penalties.

Today’s miserable extra time of the Poland-Portugal Euro 2016 quarterfinal became a little more spicy when an idiot on the field invaded the pitch right in the middle of a Portuguese offensive run. Tough luck, Ronaldo.