Via the Washington Post, I have learned of a study by the Journal of Hand Therapy showing that millennial men are a bunch of weak, pampered diaper babies with butter-soft hands and that your puny muscles are no match for my hardened, callused Gen-X gripping power. I am paraphrasing, here. The Journal of Hand Therapy…
My smart colleague George Dvorsky over at Gizmodo published a defense of “radical life extension” this morning. This is a largely pseudo- or quasi-scientific pursuit favored by billionaire parasite Peter Thiel (among others), based upon the idea that, essentially, death is a pathology rather than a natural fact of…
Here is Peter King, a face drawn on the side of Roger Goodell’s hand, telling you two ways that he likes to eat diarrhea. He likes to eat diarrhea on top of spaghetti with onions and cheese, and he likes to eat diarrhea on a hot dog, also with onions, but with no mustard.
Sometimes people ask me why no Foodspin book exists. I have never told them why. The answer is very embarrassing!
Many pop songs have guitars in them. Ditto drums and piano and synthesizers. Fine! That’s fine. I am not here to take your guitars and drums and pianos and synthesizers away. I am just here to say, more pop songs should have horns in them.
Donald Trump is Max Bialystock. Let me explain.
“Indoors” does not care what the season is. Seasons do not exist indoors. That is the whole reason we have indoors. When you stick a seasonal specifier like “Summer” or “Winter” in front of your event, your event has to take place in that actual season, which is outdoors. That is science. Therefore all the Olympic…
Today, Virginia Tech men’s basketball coach Buzz Williams tweeted (and then deleted) the above meme, which a) is very perplexing, in terms of what it means, but also b) fucking rules so hard.
So you’ve decided to get a piano! For yourself, or for, say, the piano-loving Target worker who gave up her lifelong piano access when she moved to Mississippi to live with you as your wife. I think this is a fine choice! Pianos are lovely. Let’s talk about some good and bad practices for acquiring a piano.
O.J. Mayo received an at-least-two-year ban from the NBA today, for repeat violations of the league’s anti-drug program. This is not exactly important news for the NBA, because O.J. Mayo is busted and terrible and probably was on a plane to China when the decision was made anyway. However, it’s an occasion to remember…
The laughs arrive early in this longform profile of former Philadelphia 76ers general manager Sam Hinkie, by ESPN Mag contributing writer Jordan Brenner, beginning with the headline: “The man who just can’t win: Sam Hinkie (finally) speaks.” Specifically, I like the parenthetical “finally,” not-so-subtly advancing the…
The Sacramento Kings came in for even more derisive laughter than the baseline occasioned by any mention of their existence yesterday when ESPN’s Chad Ford posted the following in the little quasi-Twitter scroll thing on the right side of the Worldwide Leader’s busted website:
Three weeks ago, if you had told me that you thought LeBron James was the greatest basketball player of all time, I would have done the annoying thing where I scrunch my face up and pantomime comparing weights on my hands and go Ehhhhhhhhh and launch into an intolerable disquisition about pure basketball excellence…
The Warriors knew exactly which matchup they wanted, after Kyrie went Steph in Steph’s face to put the Cavaliers up three with less than a minute to play in last night’s mind-blowing Game 7. They didn’t call a timeout to talk about it. They didn’t give Tyronn Lue a chance to make a substitution. They wanted Kevin Love…
“Golden State’s reliance on an unstable isotope is a high-stakes gamble that has finally blown up in their face,” FreeDarko founder Bethlehem Shoals writes for GQ re: Draymond Green’s Game 5 suspension for whacking LeBron James in the dick and balls. “The degree to which Golden State depends on Green ... might itself…
First things first: They get no credit for making the Finals. LeBron James could win three playoff series in the East with any four Supreme Court justices as his running mates. Account for that, and what have these bozos contributed to the effort?
For my money, the strangest moment of last night’s lopsided NBA Finals Game 1 came just after Cavaliers guard Matthew Dellavedova whacked Warriors forward Andre Iguodala in the dick and balls.
Hello, casual basketball viewer! The NBA Finals begin tonight, pitting LeBron James’s Cleveland Cavaliers against Ayn Rand’s Golden State Warriors in a rematch of last season’s Finals, which the Warriors won in six games. Here’s what to expect, what to look for, and what to pretend to know about each of the…
Draymond Green is bad. Steph Curry is Chucky Atkins. No matter. Klay Thompson is a blank-eyed three-shooting robot from space and no one will ever stop the Warriors. I’ll die before they lose again. Burn in hell, Oklahoma City Thunder.
So every frontrunner’s favorite twee basketball unicorns, the Golden State Warriors, the best regular-season NBA team of all time, got duffed by a combined 52 points in two blowout losses in Oklahoma City by the Thunder, previously every frontrunner’s favorite twee basketball unicorns. This was the first time the…
