This week, news broke that Justin Bieber sat alone on a park bench and ate a burrito sideways, like a savage. It was a ruse. A ploy. Deception. Lies.

Whatever you are doing aside from reading this blogpost, STOP!!! and tab over to livenation dot com because Tiffany Haddish has announced dates for her #SheReady tour. The list, via Rolling Stone:

Jim Carrey’s leading the gossip round-up today because he delivered a sobering speech on Friday night about how much entertainment media has fucked up America. While accepting the British Academy’s Charlie Chaplin Award for Humor, he invoked the story of how Charlie Chaplin channelled his personal suffering into…

On Tuesday, the White House consigned 30 children from the Washington DC charter school Digital Pioneers Academy to watch the inspirational movie Wonder with two billionaires who don’t give a shit about them, the United States Secretary of Education and the First Lady. Perhaps tired, hungry, or realizing that she’s…

Autumn returns, meaning that somewhere in Maine, a dog named Stella is the happiest girl.

I love Meghan Markle because she is living proof that if you keep at it with the food blog and calligraphy courses, they really do pay off! I also love her because she inhabits a 24/7 rolling loop of that Pretty Woman scene where Julia Roberts walks into the haute couture shop and shouts: “Remember me? Big mistake!…

News outlets are reporting that at least 11 [see updates below] people were killed near the Tree of Life Synagogue in the Squirrel Hill neighborhood of Pittsburgh during Saturday morning Shabbat services. Many more were reportedly injured. The suspect, who is now in custody, is believed to be a white male armed with…

In a development which will come as a surprise to no one, a shooting took place last night outside a restaurant where rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine was set to celebrate dodging jail time and sex offender status. Since he pleaded guilty in 2015 to the use of a child in a sexual performance–specifically, appearing to coerce a…

When Donald Trump fires a sloppy attack tweet at a state politician, it’s usually a sign that Republicans are running another shit candidate in a solidly red state which is now at risk of a Democratic win. He did, and they are, and it is. On Saturday, Trump tweeted his “Strong Endorsement” [caps his] for gubernatorial…

Aging rich white men in public office continue dreaming up new cruel, but not unusual, devices to further ensure oppressed people are barred from income, physical safety, human dignity and autonomy over their own bodies. This time, the New York Times has obtained a memo indicating that the Trump administration will…

As the nation fell into a period of mourning for Love (as a concept, which died with the engagement of Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson on 10/14/18, God rest its soul) a major concern roiled the Jezebel staff. Who gets custody of the pig, Piggy Smalls???

Tfw you know full well that you’re getting tagged on Instagram tomorrow morning, but you’re going out anyway. Cara Delevingne is a Saturday night inspiration to us all.

Melted bobblehead dementor who came to public office solely to feed on human goodwill Mitch McConnell was reportedly confronted by his constituents at a Louisville restaurant Friday night. According to TMZ, the man whose facial expressions correspond directly to human suffering was berated by one diner who told him…

Eight years of apparently peaceful lion cohabitation ended in horror on Monday morning when Indianapolis zookeepers witnessed lioness Zuri murder the father of her cubs Nyack in cold blood.

Ask, and you shall receive:

I asked my roommate for thoughts on the news that Hailey Baldwin is trademarking her post-marital name “Hailey Bieber,” and he said “I don’t even know who that is.” I told him she’s marrying Justin Bieber and is one of the bad Baldwin’s daughters, and he said “I don’t even know who that is.” And then we changed the…

Claire Foy never wanted her role on Netflix’s The Crown to be remembered as an example of wage discrimination, but she didn’t have much choice. She says that after two years of working on the show, she was “deeply hurt” to discover the “big, fat, dirty secret” that her co-star/supporting character Matt Smith was…

Yesterday, a very rich and very important person let it be known to the world that it is now socially acceptable to taste the sweet flavor of a $10,000 sip of liquid, marinate for a few fleeting seconds in its expensive soupéon, swish it around on your tongue as it seeps into your bloodstream, pass it through your…

While Olympic gold medalists like Simone Biles continue to elevate U.S.A. Gymnastics to new heights with world record-breaking feats, it seems that the organization’s leadership can not get its most base-level shit together. On Friday, the organization appointed former Republican congresswoman and gymnast Mary Bono to…

Kensington Palace & co went balls-out on #RoyalWedding 3, an event aired on ITV (BBC passed) for the diehard royal fandom, at a reported $2.6 million expense to British taxpayers. They–or contingent advertisers or the tourism board or media or whatever–were determined that you will warm up to the idea of Princess…