Sep 5 20142309/5/14My Fart Will Go OnLindy West259Man, what am I even supposed to say? Goodbyes can sniff my dong.
Sep 5 2014299/5/14 Golden Retriever Loves Watching Football SO FUCKING MUCH OH MY GODLindy West65This golden retriever, much like your cousin Chad, cannot even fucking cope with his excitement about football…
Dirt Bag9/4/14Sep 4 201422Dirt Bag9/4/14Dirt BagScarlett Johansson Gave BirthLindy West152Scarlett Johansson's baby finally came out of her! And it's a girl and her name is Rose Dorothy and she's probably…
Sep 4 20141399/4/14Finance Douche Throws Pee-Pants Tantrum After Being Rejected on TinderLindy West1.1KRejection is the pits. We know this. Professional rejection, academic rejection, organ rejection, and, most…
Sep 4 2014409/4/14Some of Us Liked Chris Pratt Before It Was CoolLindy West232Apparently there's been some grumbling lately from people who identify as "Chris Pratt early adopters," unimpressed…
Sep 4 20142009/4/14Ricky Gervais Broke My HeartLindy West575I'm mad at Ricky Gervais for a lot of things: for the monstrously dehumanizing way he talks about fat people; for…
Dirt Bag9/3/14Sep 3 201410Dirt Bag9/3/14Dirt BagAnus-Obsessed Quack Phil Robertson on ISIS: 'Convert Them or Kill Them'Lindy West58 Oh, thank goodness. One-man international diplomacy brain trust Phil Robertson—best known, thus far in his career,…
Dirt Bag9/2/14Sep 2 20144Dirt Bag9/2/14Dirt BagNicki Minaj's Dancer Describes Being Chomped by a Snake at the VMAsLindy West99 Genise Ruidiaz, a contortionist and dancer, was slated to perform in Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" routine at the VMAs…
Sep 2 20141859/2/14Texas Cops 'Swarm' School, Pray Over 'Possible Fetus' Found in BathroomLindy West390Dallas police reportedly "swarmed" a high school after a "possible fetus" was found in the bathroom, and announced…
Aug 29 20141048/29/14Navajo Boy Sent Home on First Day of Kindergarten for Having Long HairLindy West321Oh, cool. A devastating end to a shithead summer. Five-year-old Malachi Wilson, a member of the Navajo Nation, was…
Dirt Bag8/28/14Aug 28 201415Dirt Bag8/28/14Dirt BagBlake Lively Attacked by BeesLindy West87It had to happen sometime. The bees have turned on Blake Lively.
Aug 28 2014258/28/14 Miranda July Invented a Messaging App that Makes Strangers Talk to YouLindy West51Artist, writer, filmmaker, space faun, and great-eyeball-haver Miranda July has now joined the ranks of the tech…
Aug 27 2014188/27/14 Fuck Santa! Kirk Cameron's New Movie Gives Baby Jesus His Birthday BackLindy West308Let me tell you guys my idea of a perfect Christmas. You wake up like it's any other day—it might not feel like…
Dirt Bag8/27/14Aug 27 201416Dirt Bag8/27/14Dirt Bag'No One Knows Dick-Shit' About Her Personal Life, Says Kristen StewartLindy West199OH HOW I LOVE HER. Kristen Stewart continues to hoard all of the world's fucks in a massive underground ice lair,…
Aug 27 201428/27/14Southwest Airlines Apologizes for Misplacing Elderly WomanLindy West90Eighty-five-year-old Alice Vaticano was supposed to be wheeled to the Southwest Airlines gate to catch her flight…
Aug 27 2014278/27/14Dear Prudence Doesn't Think You Should Bother Coming Out as BisexualLindy West314Dear Prudie is just a troll, right? That's her thing? Like, that time when she attempted to "help" a "gluttonous"…
Dirt Bag8/26/14Aug 26 20145Dirt Bag8/26/14Dirt BagKhloe and French Montana 'Break Up,' Reveal He Was a Paid E! EmployeeLindy West114Bad news for all you hopeless romantics out there. It seems that French Montana and Khloe Kardashian have "broken…
Aug 26 2014268/26/14'Sleep Drunkenness' Is the Funniest Disorder EverLindy West94Today in A-DOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, science has collected some hard data on a phenomenon called "sleep drunkenness"—also…
Aug 26 2014148/26/14 Woman Attacked by Raccoon She Thought Was Her CatLindy West132When I was a kid, we had two cats who came and went as they pleased via a cat door in our basement. Their names were…
Dirt Bag8/25/14Aug 25 20142Dirt Bag8/25/14Dirt BagLizzy Caplan Says She and James Marsden Are 'Not Dating'...OR ARE THEY?Lindy West68Lizzy Caplan clarified today that she is "not" dating her Bachelorette costar James Marsden, because she's too busy…