Part of my job is putting up signs notifying the public of upcoming rezoning hearings, and we have an enormous one coming up next week, so I spent nine hours Monday and Tuesday and another six Wednesday and Thursday walking around our whole city in my floppy hat and hiking boots putting up bright purple signs at…
god damn it! Does this mean I have to get rid of this?
The pancake machine at the old Gawker office lasted about two weeks before breaking, but I feel like you could monetize these pancake bites?
“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”
I think part of what makes it easier to watch AP leave than Moss is that his fumbles led (more or less) directly to 2 playoff losses, including in an NFC Championship Game. He’s great, but his biggest flaws always showed up at the worst times.
Pancakes, Waffles, or French Toast?
The worst words to hear while listening to a panel discussion is when the moderator goes, “Ok, we’re going to have to wrap this up but I have one final question for our panelists,” because that means another 20 minutes of yakking.
Excuse me, I have a two-part question and a comment...
The @fuckjerry panel is just every other panel curated into one convenient panel.
“At NASA, we all pee the same color.”
Yellow? Clear? Are they all equally hydrated or something?
Even though it had shit head Matthew McConaughey in it, I really liked Mud!
An old friend of mine was/is a TSA agent at Logan airport and told me this:
Just give the awards to Mad Max: Fury Road. Every year.
Once legal weed sweeps the nation, they’ll call those bags what they are: ounce bags.
Do they not have tacos in Argentina?
4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?
I disagree about the roman numerals. You can’t just abandon something you have done for 49 fucking years because you suddenly don’t like the look of a solitary “L”. That was some weak shit. Either use the roman numerals or don’t, but be consistent dammit.
Do you know why I remain a Patriots fan Drew? Because of my father. I lived in Maine my entire childhood and teenage years. I remember the shit years, the years where Velcro on the gloves wouldn’t have helped the receivers make catches. For years we were the butts of the NFL. Then suddenly Mo Lewis knocks out Bledsoe…
Goddamn, those Scooby Snacks are illegally delicious. My boss bought 3 boxes of them on tuesday, they’re almost gone today. They taste like caramalized sugar and cinnammon but with crack sprinkled on top. These should be outlawed for causing me immediate Diabetes.
A few weeks ago, my extremely moody and snotty-ass 13-year-old was giving me the usual bullshit as I was asking her to put on her seatbelt (all the while, refusing to put on her seatbelt). I was just wrecked from everything, my job, the election, you name it, and I leaned over and screamed, “Put on your mother-fucking…