Usually when we’re writing about airplane food, it’s something akin to “nuts can kill people!” or “don’t drink the ice water!” Only on very rare occasions are such stories appetizing. One such example: “Hurrah, stroopwafels are back!” Another: this one.

We humbly submit, for consideration in the lede hall of fame, this gem from the Minneapolis Star-Tribune:

There’s a large, dark, murky space that exists between the realms of common sense and clear and accurate packaging. It’s the space in which cups that don’t say “Caution: Contents Hot” live. It’s also the space in which a woman is suing Aldi, over a turkey burger she says exploded after she followed the directions on…

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Tuesday, February 19. All times are Eastern.

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Monday, February 18. All times are Eastern.

For six years, Aubrey Plaza played the cynical, detached, secretly loving and loyal April Ludgate on Parks And Recreation, undeniably one of the best and best-beloved comedies of the young century. She’s followed that up with a slew of projects that are all over the map. She played Aaron Burr on one of Drunk History’s…

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Sunday, February 17. All times are Eastern. 

In the finale for the fourth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars, much fuss is made over a cartwheel. It lasts for what feels like a long, long time. The four finalists complete their cartwheels, or don’t, and it’s funny (listening to Trinity cackle especially so). And that’s it, almost. And then someone biffs a…

Iceberg Vodka, a Toronto-based vodka distillery, recently discovered the theft of 30,000 liters (7925.1616 gallons) of iceberg water from a secure tank. According to The Drinks Business, police estimate the value of the water to be between $9,000 and $12,000 Canadian dollars ($6,791.13-$9,055.64 USD,…

Greetings from a person who recently flew from Chicago to Los Angeles on a plane next to a guy who was pretty damn drunk, here to report that the fine folks at Jägermeister are rolling out a campaign that involves giving people at airports free shots of the Jäg before said people board pointy metal tubes that soar…

Chrissy Teigen is good at food stuff. She’s also good at Twitter. It should surprise no one, then, that she’s once again found away to combine the two, this time passing along a couple notes to the people of Taco Bell. One is just sensible, and the other is something we’re maybe into which also sent us down a Guy…

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Thursday, February 14. All times are Eastern.

A YouGov survey has found that 24 percent of Americans believe that pineapple is one of the worst toppings you can put on a pizza. A survey of me, sitting here in front of my computer in comfy pants, has found that 100 percent of those people are wrong, because pineapple on pizza is amazing.

Dunkin’ Donuts Park, a minor league baseball stadium in Hartford, Connecticut, has completely banned peanuts, a move the organization claims makes it the first to do so in the United States. It’s the latest instance in a growing trend of eliminating peanuts from public spaces. Insert your own “and Cracker Jack” joke…

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Wednesday, February 13. All times are Eastern.  

Updated Feb. 12, 2019: Willamette Week is reporting a satisfying, juicy, Whopper-of-a-conclusion to this story: The lawyer for Curtis Brooner announced that Burger King has agreed to settle the lawsuit with his client for $9,026, or the cost of a Whopper meal every week for the next 22 years. According to WW, Portland…

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Tuesday, February 12. All times are Eastern.

The Pacific Northwest is powering through a series of no-joke snowstorms right now. These storms aren’t of the sort that are intense for Portland and Seattle but make Chicagoans roll their eyes, but actually intense. So the fine people of the region spent their weekends buying a bunch of food like miserly dragons that…

Here’s what’s happening in the world of television for Monday, February 11. All times are Eastern.

Welcome to The Takeout’s Garlic Week, our Valentine to the world’s loveliest stink.