I need these pants in my life.

Don't all kids impersonate cats on the weekends? I feel like this is sort of standard kid behaviour. I don't know though. I only have three of them.

I always smile at the end of races because I know there’s usually a finish line photographer somewhere and my pain grimace is hideous, and I do not need that online forever and ever. Even if I’m the only one who cares enough to look it up.

The experience of being at a concert isn’t limited to how good the song is, hardly circular.

She sounds like a lovely lady. I am reminded of a story about my mother. I brought a high school friend over, who was recovering from a recent sports injury, and had been prescribed codeine. She was quite a talker on an ordinary day, and of course my mother listened politely to her medication induced rambling. My…

This is less of a burn and more just awesome things said in this same vein, but all the Ferguson stuff was going down hardest while I was in Berlin last fall. Discussing it with a German friend, she calmly remarked: “yeah, certainly nothing in history proves how only trouble can come from turning a blind eye to a…

This just made me remember a great one from a friend of mine at an appointment with a student health doctor. Her name’s Kate, but for some reason this guy called her Katie. Then when she corrected him, he got a little pissy about it and said something like “Eh, what’s the difference?” She looked at his name tag, which…

I’m a lawyer, and at the time of this incident was practicing in several fairly small and rural Southern counties. I’d been out of law school for 2 or 3 years, long enough to be tired of the crap I would fairly regularly get from some older male lawyers. I had a trial in the neighboring county, and my opposing counsel…

Back when I smoked, I got the chance to go to a fancy conference as an intern. The only other person that smoked at this job was the executive director, and I had to walk by her desk to take a smoke break. She would insist on going out to smoke with me and it was 50/50 she would bum a cigarette off me. As a result, I…

An American colleague (relevant) tells this one about himself. He was on a plane in Japan, on final approach to Hiroshima, when he noticed how new the city’s architecture appeared from the window. His Japanese traveling companion replied, “yes, we had a fresh start in 1945.”

I don’t know if this is better or worse for being at a Renaissance Faire, but here goes!

So there was this guy who would always sexually harass me on my way home from work. I’d get off the train and walk by this auto repair shop. This motherfucker didn’t even work at the shop — the shop owner described him as a “parasite” who loitered outside of the shop trying to buy up junkers and always hollering at…

At my first trip to the OB/GYN, I was a little nervous. During the procedure, the doctor was very sympathetic and tells me, “You’re doing really great.” And out of nowhere I reply in my best Southern Debutabte, “I bet you say that to all the girls!”

My sister might kill me for this, and it’s not a burn, but it’s such a great one-liner and you guys are the perfect audience and I HAVE TO SHARE.

... Oklahoma City for sleep, which marked the last of our contact with true civilization before we hit L.A some two weeks later.

Key thing to know for this anecdote: in Farsi, one is “jek” and two is “do.”

I don't get all the griping. They're having fun. They aren't dressing up as another culture, which is offensive. What is the problem?

From some light googling it looks like single-embryo and double-embryo transfers are preferred, and in Europe sometimes the only legal option, because of the risks associated with multiples. It used to be you transferred a whole bunch, but the procedure is better now. You are allowed to go up for older mothers, where…