Hard drive wipe and reinstall, it’s good to do it every once in a while.

Latest clutch of lizard eggs aren’t receiving the body warmth required to incubate properly.

OS upgrade and reinstall of Kaspersky antivirus/spyware.

I got a chicken breast-sized pre-cancerous tumor removed from my NECK and didn’t get kept overnight, so I am side-eyeing this hard.

Vagina dentata. She’s getting it installed to help deter her husband from sneaking into her bed when other people aren’t available.

Turns out, the health care for immigrants in this country isn’t the best... even if you’re the first lady?

Reptilian benign kidney tumor

probably to shrink her hands so she can properly hold the Presidents hand.

Removal of a second asshole she picked up several years ago.

Melania has been an animatronic real doll for years. Whenever the AI becomes self aware enough to tell Donald he is a rotting orange turd, she gets sent in for reprogramming.

Soul transplant.

maybe she just needed some quiet time away from the donald?

Her health is slowly, s-l-o-w-l-y going to ebb in the run-up to the midterm elections, to the point where we’ll be hearing she is literally at death’s door on November 5th.

Who the hell wouldn’t rather be in the hospital with rest and access to narcotics than spending their time idly wandering the white house in search of meaning and a place to hide?

Her Trumpectomy didn’t take

She’s been eating Tide Pods and washing them down with lemon Pledge on the rocks.

Probably putting the finishing touches on her Michelle Obama plastic surgery makeover. I mean, why not just go all the way...

maybe kentucky fried fuckface ordered them to remove her kidney for lack of public affection and has threatened removal of more organs if she doesn’t start holding his hand in public?