You, Sir, are heartless.

*weeps quietly into lace handkerchief*

Gasp! Here I've tried to be so careful, and yet I've left myself exposed to dick facsimiles!

Where have you been all my life?

Can we not get a lifestyle website for people who hate being inspired and are just generally dreadful?

That the hashtag disclaimer was needed at all makes me weep.

Dodai, the real question is, how did you refrain from greeting his return to the table with "Ew, look at what some weirdo sent me! It's tiny!"?

She's clearly asking for it by owning a smartphone. If women don't want to get unsolicited dick pics, they should remove themselves from any medium (smartphones, Facebook, email accounts) where a man could possibly send them one.

To be fair, I would take adolescence any day over preschool. I can have adult conversations with them, watch 'Pulp Fiction' instead of the Disney Channel with them, and I will take Kendrick Lamar over The Wiggles all goddamn day.

I bet this entitled twat has some fabulously ironic views about lazy people on welfare.

The parallels between those two developmental phases are staggering.

"...he's misinterpreting superficial interest as admiration."

Oh God, the assault hugs! Where do I even with those? It's so perfectly sweet and dreadful at the same time.

Yeah, testosterone funk is... a thing unique unto itself. Poor kids.

Thanks! I have explained to my boys that their teenage years feel hard because their prefrontal cortexes aren't fully developed yet. And they're pretty good kids, for being teenagers.... But wine is still sometimes required.

Oh, high school is a huge part of it, for sure.

I'd love to say it gets better when they're teenagers, but it doesn't.

Mom, stop commenting on my Jezebel posts! Jeez, you're so embarrassing!

I believe we're framing this all wrong. To appeal to Republicans, we should stop calling them "child refugees" and start referring to them as "post-term fetuses fleeing countries with insufficient abortion clinic laws and regulations."