What do you have to do to a piece of jewelry in order for it to be a noticeable downgrade from something you bought at Kay jewelers? Were they replacing the stones with bottle caps?

Sooooooo down for all of that. You set the DVR, I'll bring margarita fixings.

I love you. Please be hate-watching TV buddies with me.

You guys, under no circumstances should any LA-based Jezzies reply to this ad, get the job, and spend one to two weeks ‘tutoring’ this doucheba- ahem - _gentleman_, that Feminism is actually caused by Wandering Womb syndrome and an imbalance of the humors, and that its founder was Camille Paglia, who later went on to…

Well, personally, I know that when I see a child with a cookie, I’m unable to control myself because hunger is a natural human urge and cookies are delicious.

Oh, no, believe me, if your acid trip story involves a hilarious public spectacle and ends with “... And then I said ‘Officer, these aren’t even my pants,’” please feel free to share with the group.

Ew. People do this?

There are three things no one wants to hear about, no matter how politely they may listen:

Kara, I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I guess our family has just had a ton of bald-ass babies, because babies with lots of hair never look quite right to me. Cute, for sure. But my brain is on some uncanny valley shit trying to make sense of it.

I mean, I went and bought $40 woth of workout epuiment from Walmart so I could work out at home.

The fact that it didn’t even occur to this guy that he didn’t know anything about his daughter’s mother’s live-in-boyfriend until his _ex-wife_ pointed it out to him tells me that he is not, in fact, super-involved with his daughter.

You and me, both. I have a feeling that this is not the first and only instance of this guy’s self-absorption and entitlement.

Yes. Now get off the internet until your homework is done.

If you’re a huge asshole, then so am I. I was reading all the way through, thinking “Just get a second job at Taco Bell and pay your arrears.”

Me, as a child-support paying divorced mom with 50/50 physical custody, who still buys school uniforms and new shoes and haircuts for my kids because my ex-husband won’t.

“The defense team has been quick to acknowledge Ford’s guilt, but argues that too long of a sentence would leave his pregnant wife and two-year-old son financially unstable.”

Alternate Headline: “Grown-Ass Adults Using Children As Avatars of Their Own Narcissism and Entitlement.”

This is obviously just a teaser to get us to order the PPV match where Rep. Swolinski will team up with John Cena to pile drive them both through a table.

For real. The killer’s defense attorney could blame the whole thing on Sasquatch, and I’d be like “Well, sounds like reasonable doubt to me!”