And it's funny, because I'm not maternal. Crying doesn't actually upset me like it seems to upset most people; still, it's incredibly grating and generally at a sound level that would draw my curmudgeonly stinkeye were it a group of teenagers with their rock and roll eight track tapes making the same amount of public…

Once Zoidberg is introduced to the conversation, the seriousness is inherently undermined.

I'm just really pleased with the notion that Newt Gingrich drinks my pee without knowing it. Can we just agree that this is reality?

I don't think you're anti-anything, I think you're a bit of a prude. I say that lovingly, I am too. And I'm actually pretty proud of it; I do not think the inner workings of anyone's gastrointestinal system is a fit topic for discussion. Ever. Not for laughs, not for anything but to communicate what better be an acute…

The moms who breastfeed will never leave you alone. I wasn't supposed to be fertile. So, I pierced my nipples and did other things which once I did get pregnant meant I couldn't breastfeed. Even if I'd produced milk, which I didn't. One woman, trying to be helpful, actually attempted to pull up my shirt, ostensibly to…

But that would directly wreck my wish that she not be president! Is there a wish-weighing devise somewhere that we could use to decide which of us is more fervent on this one?

no, no, I took a month offline too, apparently. I didn't think it had been that long! Is there a way to message that so as to avoid spam, or do I just put my email address up here for the world to see?

There are times when I look across the desolate landscape of reality tv and pop culture, and I think that humanity has failed entirely. Ashton Kutcher has a penis, and we all laugh. Women go tanning, and that is funny.

In most cases, I admire your commitment to the correct moral path.

I want to know which moms pay for Ben&Jerry's for their kids. They're just as happy with the America rocket popsicles! They're seven!

I am not, in point of fact, a grown woman who loves the Princess Diaries. I'm a grown woman who loves Julie Andrews. And God, I hope she is!

I'm sorry, maybe I missed this whole discussion somewhere, but how, precisely, does one achieve a fat vagina? Because, with straight sex and friction and all, if I could only make the fat move from my belly to my vagina...I'd never have to do Kegels again.

Luckily for those of us addicted to canned pumpkin, most of what will be shipped this season is in cans, awaiting shelving. Yay!

Peter Dinklage in Death At A Funeral. 'Nuff said.

Is it bad that I do that intentionally when my newly feminist (generally young and freshly out of their first gender studies class) friends see creeping sexism in obviously not-sexist situations? Because I totally do.

which is why it makes sense that they're requesting documents from after the assault. I fail to see the relevance of her father's death years previously, unless they're attempting to say that no assault happened. And that would make sense, except that they both pled guilty.

If it's long enough, you tie it into a knot, then knot around the first one, then wrap the ends in twice. That will not come out unless you saw how it was done. For additional security, use your bun as your pencil holder.

Okay, staffer ladies, anyone have an hour to do an interview for the book that I'm writing about, um, life as a campaign staffer?

Cedar City. We have a lot of missionaries for some reason, compared to St. George. Not sure about the frequency in the Wasatch Valley.

Does anyone know of resources in the area that we might get a message to this woman through? I feel like she should know that complete strangers aren't all bigoted assholes. It sounds like she's dealing with massive fallout, and I kind of want to send her a support card.