Trump is jealous because he doesn’t have an Emmy.

Do it to some asshole Wall Street executive and then we have something going.

Having never been touched like that by a woman before, it was all he could do to prematurely eject her.

“Hi, Chidi. I’m Eleanor. Come on/in.”

Yeah... chocolate chip, nice. Snickerdoodle, ok cool. Even white choc-macadamia nut, sure. But oatmeal raisin... I mean just tell me right out that I’m not welcome in the neighborhood

This guy?:

Thigh all day, but flats... eh.

you can’t buy people anymore.

I think the reform I’d like to see most is the “gun show loophole” closed, followed by banning private sales from one person to another w/o some background check.

I believe that is spelled “Cotomer sevis.”

Vaporwhere

Warning Shark

Laugh if you want, but it takes ball to publicly humiliate the second most powerful man in the world. 

Note to the guards: Suicide watch does not mean, “watch someone commit suicide.”

always be sure to check for the ring

This obsession with Hilary is the longest Trump has ever been faithful to one woman.

His idea had support from some of the best of the scientific community.

Ewwwwwgenics.