I’ve never actually had a guy get offended (or if they were offended, they were hiding it). Some still insist on paying, but I’ve never had it turn into something where they didn’t want a second date or anything. And honestly, if a guy would get offended and douchey about something like that, I don’t think I actually…

Whether or not my offering to split the check results in an adverse reaction from the man makes a big impact on whether or not there will be a next date :)

If there is nothing else I believe to be true in the world, I believe Kanye is the sort of man with a signature floral arrangement.

That’s less of a pyramid and more of a ziggurat.

My goldendoodle looks just like Michael Cera.

“What’s wrong with being sexy?”

Probably 90% of it is that he was an excellent sleeper. By the time my son was 4.5 months old I was so hysterically sleep deprived I was afraid to drive. That level of sleep deprivation makes it really hard to do anything at all.

Do you think, though, that by announcing the pregnancy so early and so publicly, that they were forced into grieving publicly as well? I feel like that’s also part of the reason that people wait to tell people. It’s common to miscarry, and you don’t know how you’re going to feel about it if you do. Perhaps you’ll want…

Well, it’s definitely useful if you’re working in any kind of patient care role. And I’ve used the smell test to check for infection if one of my animals has a wound of some sort. I’m not sure, though, if my sense of smell is actually extra acute or if I’ve just gotten used to paying attention it, if that makes sense.

I know where I’ve been! I flew there on Alaska Air, I had a burger with Chipolittle sauce and stuffed jalla-peen-yow on the side.

You think that if a father is shitty, that is still the mother’s fault because she conceived the child with him? Wow, there is no way for a mom to win in your worldview (but must be pretty sweet being a dad, having zero responsibility or accountability in parenting).

Now, I feel obligated to mention Michaela DePrince who I’m also obsessed with.

I find that most people who pine for the gritty and real New York of yesteryear are...not actually from New York.

Je t’aime so much, Bobby le Doigt!

That’s the face of “what the fuck have I gotten myself into.”

Or we should have mandated paternity leave like the Scandinavian countries, so fathers are shouldering some of the career hit for reproducing.

Idk, she sounds like a total dick, but it makes sense to me that a rich-person registry is full of stuff that costs loads...because she’s probably friends with other rich-as-fuck people who can afford it. Meh, I’d rather hate her for her awful company policies than her silly ramekins.

A $275 straw? Like a straw straw? Christ, why is that even available to buy? Who the fuck buys that??? HAVE YOU EVER TRIED CLEANING A STRAW??

I’m going to keep it 100: I don’t get why people get so much sand in their vaginas over wedding registries. Like, this whole idea that we know gifts are customary but omg you aren’t supposed to ask for gifts, you tacky bitch!!!!! is so absurd. Her list isn’t terribly offensive- there’s stuff at all price points.

The “Sit-n-Stand!” I loved mine.