I forgot about all the country music stars, too. Hank Williams Jr, Toby Keith, Trace Adkins, etc. I read Garth is in talks to play the inauguration and I’m like nooooo. He’s one of the only modern country star I like and then I’ll have to hate him and Trisha Yearwood. I’m guessing we will see a lot of terrible big…

So is Ted Cruz.

Breaking news: white man with lots of privilege cannot handle losing contest. Just wants things handed to him.

I also say that at the beginning of relationships, but I’m usually handing them the TV Guide.

Arizona gets all the elderly white people that can’t afford to move to Florida.

lock him up! lock him up!

I saw that on Rachel Maddow’s show about the guy who couldn’t get the hats and bumper stickers and thought it was weird. Then I saw the OTHER report about Fred Trump’s rental “policies” and I sort of died completely and crumpled onto the floor. Then I (somehow) saw the clip of Newt Gingrich claiming Megyn Kelly was…

Jordon almonds are gross and we all know they’re gross. They are throwaway favors. If someone has a cash bar plus jordan almonds, I know they’re trash. And god knows they have a fondant cake.

Still my fav!

I’m assuming “raisin d’être” is a typo, and it’s possibly my favorite typo ever. I’m imagining Cindy walking around with a California Raisin reciting affirmations and shit-talking her friends.

Everyone who has taught college has had that asshole kid-you had the moment that everyone dreams of.

super hella fragile racist extra #Bragadocious

Trump spent all weekend cramming for the debate.

Yeah but if he was doing blow there’s no way he could be on stage for 90 minutes without going crazy for another line.

Daymakers are idealists, go-getters, and “choreographers” who are able to “balance 1,000 things” well for family, friends and themselves, he said. They also love to host others and are “joiners,” not loners, he said.

OH YEAH. This is the type of stuff my mum would bring home from the beauty parlour in the 1960s: Debbie Reynolds is Jennifer Aniston; Angelina Jolie is Liz Taylor (including all the health issues and all the kids); Brad is Eddie Fisher. 

Crazy cousins, uncles, family friends, former co-workers, people from high school....I’ve got ‘em all. But the cool ones make up for the nutjobs.

On his last day in office I want President Obama to troll right-wingers by issuing an Executive Order renaming Alabama to Mahmoud al-Abama.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Good to see Jay Leno’s awful legacy is in equally shitty, fucked-up hands.