It’s not like anyone would be close enough to grab me, even if they were super-quick. They’d all be huddled on the other side of the gondola, trying to ignore the pooping person. Suddenly, I’d be a bear-snack.

Everything I had drank for the past week would IMMEDIATELY descend into my bladder.

How big of a dump are you planning on taking that it’s going to shift your entire center of gravity?

Open the door and stick your bum out. The worst that could happen is that you shit on a bear.

That’s my thought—they gave them food and water and no place to pee.

Nothing - fundamentally - to fear.

I was super offended at the “why don’t you kill yourself” part that was delivered by some comedian. I hate Ann Coulter more than just about anyone, but that shit is not okay.

* They do have some incompetent women there, too, to be clear. I would shoot Andrea Mitchell out of rocket into the sun if I had the chance.

Colin Kaepernick’s been woke for a while. Here he is in 2014, insisting that the 49ers would accept a gay teammate:

A life of public speaking is hard on the voice.

TRUMP: “Well, I’ve learned that I have no trouble standing for three hours.”

How did they figure out the seal’s name?

You can have a flashing sign in bright neon colors the size of the entire beach saying “Leave the Animals Alone!” and people will ignore it.

tl;dr - people will steal anything

If everyone who was suing Trump voted for him, he might win.

What? Are coaches suppose to police the players.

Ha! If they behave like Dan Bacon advises, good luck with that.

If the Rapture occurred and God only took this one asshole, there are gonna be a lot of pissed off people around the world. Start drinking now because they’re gonna bite into our stash.

The funny part is, he thinks he’s a good guy.

i was talking to my husband about this. he will comfortably poop pretty much anywhere, and every guy he knows is like that, too. Always in a bathroom, but. . . I mean. . .just anywhere! (obviously, in toilets anywhere.)