I’ve had dudes pull my earbuds out when I’ve ignored them.

I walked out of the stall and realized that she had been facetiming the grandkids from the toilet.

My kids loved that book! I bought it when my son was 3, going on 4 and was refusing to poop in the toilet. God, I thought I was going to be sending that kid to kindergarten in Huggies. Just the other day, I forget what we were watching but it was some show and they were talking about “Goodnight, Moon” and someone was…

..and then it’s an awkward game of “Who’s going to start pooping first?”

My office has two private ladies’ rooms and employs three women. It is work poop nirvana, I tell you.

So he advises not moving on at all, but instead relentlessly pursuing said ex till she caves.

That was the one time in my life anyone ever approached me or tried to talk to me while I was wearing headphones, which I consider a CLEAR SIGN I do not want to interact with anyone, and I still get annoyed thinking about it.

“She Left You and Got a Restraining Order, Now What?”

Makes you start thinking that all those outbreaks may not have been so unexplainable ....

NOW we’ve got a reality show on our hands, people! Pop the popcorn, this should get good.

Pay no attention to the orange clown from N.Y. who wants to usher in a new age of totalitarianism, the sportsball guy is the REAL problem!

I feel so accomplished.

Jezus, wtf. This is as dumb as people who think God sits around making sure his favorite pro sports teams win.

Jesus H. Christ on a bike. Could these people PLEASE read Mr. Khan’s copy of the Constitution again to remind themselves exactly what it is that all these soldiers they’re screaming about have fought for? Let’s see, First Amendment includes ... freedom of speech. Not just speech that some people like but ALL SPEECH.…

I literally said outloud to myself, “I can’t believe this election is real.”

He’s expected to clarify whether he has any actual thoughts in his brain or merely a series of hate-filled squirrels chasing each other around a darkened golf course.

We’re already turning out too many PhDs. Most academic markets are glutted with job seekers and many PhDs have to spend years as postdocs, VAPs and adjuncts as they struggle to get a tenure track position. Turning out fewer PhDs is probably better in the long run.

Believe it or not, the Jennifer Lopez brand at Kohl’s. If you are a woman with hips and a butt, these are the skinny jeans for you. You can wear them, they’ll fit your ass, and you won’t have a two inch gap at your waist. http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-25…

Believe it or not, the Jennifer Lopez brand at Kohl’s. If you are a woman with hips and a butt, these are the skinny…

Yes you can keep your own kill

Pretty sure I saw this dude struggling to make it up Donner Pass on Saturday night. If not, some other misguided soul in a similarly falling apart heap of a van, loaded down with entirely too many bicycles. (Saw four separate vehicles on the side of the road - why don’t they understand the concept of altitude?)