Trayvon was already walking — trying to fucking walk home. I guess he was supposed to hop a ride on the magic I'm Sorry I'm Black Bus that appears when someone thinks you're scary. It plays "Accidental Racist" on a blaring speaker as it drives to the Black people part of town so everyone around can relax.

[Farts all day in a tune that sounds suspiciously like Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth.]

[Criticism about your macaroni privilege.]

[Story about my own hair.]

I hope you gave it back and told her to shave the asshole off her personality with it.

For a horrifying moment, I thought that penises had become sentient and were growing arms. IT HAS BEGUN. DEPLOY THE VAGINA DENTATA.

I would like it noted that nobody is trying to pick up men with pie. #TeamCake #SuckItPastryStans

I'm glad that other racists will flock to his practice. Let this dumb fuck defend them all.

It's amazing how many people think racism is a game of "Not It." Nothing is racist if you say NOT IT!

whoops double post.

I, for one, welcome our new infectious disease overlords.

Jenny McCarthy is your new co-host.

Nope, not sexist! He pulls male colleagues into his lap all the time!

But how can she even play games without a joystick?!

GET IN LINE, ASSHOLES!

UGH that moment when you finally notice you misspelled "aisle." I r writer.

True story — I sent my BFF a 30th birthday present that was absolutely COVERED in glitter "30"s. She opened that box and they went everywhere. Six months later she turned around and looked at something weird in the mirror. She had a 30 stuck to her ass. When she peeled it off, it left an impression. Yup, I'm an…

Beyonce is still pooping that glitter. It is known.