UP WITH CUNTS, DOWN WITH ANGER. UP WITH ALL CAPS, DOWN WITH PARTY POOPERS. IT'S FRIDAY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

I DON'T EVEN THINK IT'S POSSIBLE TO THINK "KANYE' IN LOWER CASE LETTERS.

BADMUTHA KNOWS. ALL CAPS HAPPENED ON JEZZIE LO, IN THE OLDEN DAYS, BACK WHEN SATIRE WAS UNDERSTOOD.

If only men tasted like ranch dressing...

And you have to put chicken in the stemware before she'll even touch it.

This is a much better idea than using your cat as a dishwasher. Not that I tried that. On a totally unrelated topic, does anyone know how to get cat hair out of soup?

I feel the need to squirt salad dressing all over my nubile young salad for some reason.

Yes, she was in a bad car accident that injured her face in 2007. So, not really elective and for funsies, her surgery.

Thank goodness. Just the idea of someone patenting genes is vile. And to use the patent to drive up the cost of such an important test is disgusting. Look, yay money and capitalism as far as it goes, but there are gross ways to make money, and this was one. And as for the other myriad ways an evil person could…

In my dark moments, I'm glad these vag-hating morons keep spewing their idiocy. If they're so damn stupid that even after losing to Barry again they can't seem to have an intelligent thought re: women=people who vote, then I'll laugh as they fall into flames. I believe even women on the right are paying attention;…

This is very confusing, as I thought one must have a joystick to play a game. That's what all the poor spellers on Twitter say.

That would be amazing! Dammit, now I want one, too. But my husband might object to sleeping underneath Fabio, no matter how sexy I tell him it is.

Don't worry, Sebastian — we'll kick them all in the balls for you. Or metaphorical balls, if the ass poops are of the non-balled variety.

Hee! Thanks. Maybe I should call it The Old Thousandaire's Cold-Boobed Virgin. (Her bodice is always ripped, yo.)

See? He's awesome! He seems like he has a sense of humor about himself.

That sounds amazing! I've seen some seller on Etsy who will cover furniture items (wooden, natch) with romance covers. I would love a little end table or something covered in classic 70s Harlequins.

Do you know how much I dream of having Fabio on one of my covers? I sincerely wouldn't care how old he was. Hell, I'll write an old hero with stringy blonde hair on purpose. Come to me, Fabio! And bring your man titty with you, you glorious he-beast!

Sigh. Is there anyone prettier than Rutina Wesley? Maybe Askars, but only because I'm hetero.

This article started off boring and slow with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: 'Blah blah blah. Designer water!'

Excuse me, but I only drink Yogurt Water.