Alec was sad to discover that Hilaria didn't at all live up to her name; he should have married her sister, Mildly Amusia, after all.

We've all been put into a box — fat cat, cranky cat, cat who yacks on the comforter just after the humans have washed it — but I'm proud one of us is finally standing u—, er, sitting ON the box to protest shame-labels. I put my paw out to you, brother.

I think men are taught that:

The very fact that this entire discussion of "purity" is 99.9% about women and girls (and coming from men (even when it comes from other women)) tells you, by itself, that it's NOT about religion or purity or anything else but controlling women. Brava, Lindy!

Quit wining, Wesleyan, or you're gonna get Franzioned.

If you need a LOL, read the put-out commenters on that article. WAH IS HE SERIOUS?! WAH COSBY IS TOTES FUNNY! WAH I'M A WOMAN AND I MISS THE POINT JUST AS WELL AS ANY MAN!

For $50K, this better be decorated with the glittering blood of my enemies.

You've seen my work?!

I'm going to need both the jumpsuit and the rainbow belt. Both because I like it, and because I enjoy being the most awesomely ridic person in the room.

Damn it! Now all my money-stealing plans are foiled! Oh, well. Time to enact the failsafe for fooling men: pizza tied to a string, followed by vagina dentata.

I actually don't think he thinks that. They know they're 100% full of shit. They spin it the opposite way on purpose to convince the mouth-breathing troglodytes who vote for them that environmentalists, humanitarians, animal-welfare activists and the like are evil. Then, they push through laws that benefit…

So the Humane Society = sex slavers.

In the words of the Internet: I AM HERE FOR THIS.

"I want my daughter to find out about female anatomy when she gives surprise birth in the toilet at sixteen years old — like everyone else!"

"I wanted to marry Zoe Saldana, but apparently Amanda Seyfried is the only fucking bride in Hollywood. At least she's not singing."

Awwww! Woogie woogie snuggle puss awww squeeeeee!

That's what happened when I threw a party for Edward Scissorhands.

For when you want to announce that you've given up without saying a word. (TM)

I would be so down with this. Whenever I have to shake someone's hand, I run and wash mine at the first opportunity.