No, no, no — this advice presupposes women are human beings. We are succubi, and can only ingest your soul if you lick our hands. Then, the barbs in our skin hook your tongue, and the rest is acidic stomach juices and glorious screams of pain.

"I'd die before I gave my kids non-organic kale shoes."

Kale, Whole Foods, $1100. The only way it could be more "White people" is if GOOP herself shat it.

I... um... you... ? Why? Where?

Slay, we are soul mates. "Just sayin'" makes me want to stab with a vibrating fork. It's akin to putting "'Hello,' she said said." in dialogue. We know you're just saying. YOU JUST SAID IT. Also, fuck trolls, she said said.

I wish my romances could be classified as such!

This makes sense, as men are incapable of reading literature written by women, which is also known as cliterature. When they open one of our books, they hear the yawning screech of vaginas, and are likely to be sucked into our hysterical ramblings, never to be peen again.

Um, that's Joffrey Baratheon to you plebes. Lannister is his secret nod nod wink wink name. And by "nod nod wink wink," I mean "inbred."

Gwyneth Paltrow Shows Her Ass. No, Literally This Time.

I've been looking for a high-cost, high-effort solution to my horniness. Thanks, Lelo!

I feel this article is an insult to slimy orange turds. Doth not an orange turd slime? Hath it not oils, and feel-cal matter?

So are women frigid, withholding anti-sex nuns, or are we easily-corruptible sluts with low self esteem? Ha! No matter what the situation, we're wrong!

Except... month.

I'm starting to actually root for Kim K. I want her to show up at the met ball wearing nothing but saran wrap over one titty and a platinum merkin, shouting, "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCHES?! I JUST MADE FOUR MILLION DOLLARS."

This self-hating "journalist" has been criticized by some folks on the Internet for having “venom” spewing from her fingers. But if she’s comfortable writing that misogynistic bullshit and dancing for MRAs, then good for her.

Jinkx Jinkx Jinkx! Love her so much. I think she brings the same brand of lighthearted, heartfelt joy that Ru himself embodies.

They really don't think we're human, do they?

That photo makes me feel like I can be Beyonce, even if only when taking a large dump.

Makes this related headline all the more horrifying...