Well, I don't want to pat my weights on the rack or anything, but I like to think of myself as the world's best commenter — even sites I've never been on, nor written a comment for, gain some muscle mass because of me.

Well, not when your caddie is a green-painted horse. And definitely not when you jump on its back and command it to devour them for their insolence!

Missed a golden opportunity to make those pouches resemble piranha plants

Replace 'excites' with 'executes' and I'm in!

You're goddamn right if you assumed I approve this. Because I do.

Doesnt matter. Stars! Tasty. Delicious!

My cereal is so tasty!

You sound offended. Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?

Oprah now seeks to turn Nic Cage into a pumpkin, much like she did to Val Kilmer.

Successful at one thing:

That last one was just ... oh, God. Funniest thing I have seen all week.

No they are pretty common, but you seem very primitive, so I'm not surprised that it is new to you.

You are incomprehensibly stupid, and it's a wonder how you even attained knowledge at all, considering your conception was an ill-conceived plan to see if a drunken male could mate with a boulder to create a child, who was, as you have deftly shown, as dumb as a rock.

Do you cover Mary Shelley's Frankenstein? I come for the reading (it's so great), but I stay for the horrible Robert DeNiro Frankenstein movie.

A friend of mine always called it Bram Stroker's Dracula. At that point in my life, I didn't know what a bram was, but I was positive I didn't want to see Dracula stroke it.

Agreed, wholeheartedly. Someone got their panties in a bunch and needed to take their frustrations out on something that wasn't their diary.

I survived the fiasco of SimCity. I found other games to play. And I waited until I could play the game again, when it was more reliable.

Thanks, Evan, you manly man of a man.

Steelseries, eh?

When told I needed to start eating healthier, because my seizures might be triggered by junk food, I immediately deep-fried a serving-size of pizza rolls.