I watched Miss America last night. It was very different than I remembered. In the old days no contestant would have spoken about their history of depression. I was a little disappointed that Colorado didn’t win. It was awesome that she performed her talent in shrubs with a microscope.

No Heidi. You can be 28 for the rest of your life. All my friends have been 29 for years and years.

I feel like manager is a euphemism for pimp as some have already been busted for prostitution.

I don’t know what you heard about me
But a bitch can’t get a dollar out of me
No Cadillac, no perms, you can’t see
That I’m a motherfucking P-I-M-P

I have not been to Times Square in over a decade. It’s easy to avoid, actually. And it’s plain that was the smartest decision I could have made as a traveller.

Lately the Syrian refugee stories make me tear up and clutch my 2 year. I cannot fathom the terror of trying to take a child on such a perilous journey and some of those photos are so heart-wrenching.

Oh god, same. I cannot with these types of stories anymore. They were always horrific even before I had a kid, but now it’s just unbearable.

And now I wish I was home hugging my 14 month old. When I first heard about this story I thought maybe he had died at home and she was in shock and brought him to the swing...but this...I think I’m done with today.

I’m pretty sure that he’s an Australian sheepdog who saved a faerie godmother from certain death and when she asked him how she could repay him he said, “Make me a human man.”

10/10 would watch

I won’t call her out on the affair—he broke vows, she didn’t. She owes nothing to another person’s marriage. That said, the way she taunted the first wife was borderline sociopathic.

Ms. Holmes and Mr. Foxx

After Julia Roberts started dating that married dude and then went around wearing a shirt rubbing it in the wife’s face, FUCK Julia Roberts. I’m sure there’s more to the story but still, not classy.

I get so confused when doctors ask me about this. Like really, you expect me to keep exact track of my period? Even when I’m on birth control, fuck, I don’t remember. Either it’s happening now or it’s not, that’s the best you’re getting.

Jet fuel can’t melt steelletos

Don’t forget all the civilians in Afghanistan or the civilians in Pakistan or the innocent people in Yemen and so on.

We could add to the 9/11 name scroll all of the innocent civilians killed in our little war against Iraq. A country who had nothing to do with 9/11.

I <3 Brit.

I doubt she would have much a career today had it not been for Newlyweds, so I call bullshit on that.

Yeah really. You’d think they’d have served as a warning to Taylor Swift who followed suit and faded into anonymity.