Just fully melted down watching those “guy smokes Carolina Reaper for some reason” videos. People doing insanely painful things to themselves for video views will always be my favorite thing. 

It’s a very strange corporate comms tactic to constantly remind your readers about a. how important the situation is and b. how little we get to know. It’s unnecessarily stressful. Either rip off the band-aid with the bad news or go radio silent after the first announcement that you’re going radio silent.

My young coworker loves oat milk. She also likes to bake “treats” for people that are like brownies made with garbanzo beans instead of flour, and her coy little trick is not telling you till after you take a bite. Of course, you don’t need her to tell you that they’re made of fart-stinking beans, because it’s…

Anyone else see Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys here?

My parents are big apocalypse people and I love talking to them about it. Definitely doesn’t make me google “what’s the earliest you can put parents in retirement home”

There’s a major strain of Jew fetishization/zionism in evangelical ideology (that often relates to the apocalypse/end times) and it produces some weird results. Check out Jews for Jesus sometime if you feel like falling into a real K-hole of American religious mutation

Had to choose this one because I was literally thinking about it apropos of nothing on my walk to work this morning. I forgot these other ones even happened. 

It’s just Willamette Week. Like Facebook. No “the”. 

It sounded a little like he was trying to do the Bill Burr bit about how football players don’t have higher rates of domestic violence than plumbers or whatever while also saying that “there are bigger things to worry about in today’s world.” Which is all very craven and stupid. 

Owned. 

No one should be forced to talk to their parents, ever, under any circumstances. I didn’t ask to be brought into this world, I’m still mad I was, and you two feel-entitled-to-procreate-while-ruining-the-environment-ass Gen Xers are to blame!

I remember feeling this way when this happened on Twitter. It honestly strikes me as more of a self-own than anything. 

Exactly. I can’t figure out how basketball fans who aren’t sycophantic Silicon Valley tech bros should be excited about the Warriors getting to amass an infinite amount of basketball resources just because they’re swimming in blood money. 

He was definitely talking about prison rape. 

Pelosi is going to spend the next two years trying to pass the Force Donald Trump to Say Putin is Bad Bill and the EPA will open up daycare center playgrounds to fracking. We’re all fucked. 

Glad to see Caleb Swanigan on here. Blazers fans get delusionally, rabidly excited about every single person who gets on their roster. So far Swanigan’s main skill is bricking contested 3s in transition when he’s approximately 15 feet tall and 800 pounds of rebounding and put-back-dunk potential. Fuck him!

You mad bro? [laugh cry emoji laugh cry emoji laugh cry emoji]

This is Gob Bluth shit

I am a regular at two bars in my neighborhood, which are normally very quiet. But Halloween is like a cloud of sloppy, caterwauling locusts descending on my bucolic depression farm.

actually it owns