Yes I know, I’ve been to Timberline Lodge. But they were things that did not happen under this congress and every ambitious idea that gets brought to the floor in congress inevitably is either killed on site or put into the world with fatal wounds that will eventually kill it. They passed Obama Care with full…

This is such a good idea that it could never, ever happen. I can’t even remember the last time a Good Idea was passed into law without an infinite amount of compromises, intentional self-sabotages, and bet-hedging.

My newest enemy is squirrels. I always considered them cute and harmless but they are a fucking pestilence. A family of them moved into the walls of my bedroom and were burrowing around eating the insulation and spraying their fetid piss everywhere until it smelled like a owned a ferret farm. One chewed all the way…

I think their not-so-secret goal is mostly to get more information about Trump/Russia on the record to aid with any other lawsuits that might be happening out there. The problem is Robert Mueller is already looking into this stuff as thoroughly as possible (one hopes) and this will mostly just perpetuate the narrative…

It seems like every major politician (and every tech bro shithead and every oil baron and basically anyone with more than two commas in their net worth) has one of these rage-addict sociopaths to scream at reporters any time the reporter asks anything that isn’t in the press release. It’s not really surprising that…

It is absolutely unconscionable that anyone who works a full-time job anywhere

There is absolutely no reason to go on these shows unless your only goal is to fuck with them as much as possible. As with air travel, I’d never do it unless I was in a pill-and-booze blackout.

If there’s one thing I know about successful business owners, it’s that they always have time to fit in a full schedule of acting and modeling.

One underrated strange part about that commercial is the unnerving way in which the flags are, like, vibrating in the background.

Surprised he didn’t speculate that a team comprised solely of clones of him could have beat Bama. That seems like something people are saying more and more, and truly, it’s so true.

OBLOWHARD brings back memories of simpler time

It’s impressively despicable how Goldberg went on to kiss Williamson’s ass in that note and fawn over his writing WHILE ADMITTING THAT HE IS A TOTAL PSYCHO.

I suppose that he probably just did that to cover his ass a little bit and make it seem like hiring him made sense at some point, but jesus christ, you’d think the…

I found this bar in Guatemala that gave out free rice and beans if you were drinking. It was the best feature I’ve ever found in a bar.

The longform response comment movement never gained as much momentum as the longform journalism movement but I’m glad someone is carrying the torch

This is an interesting theory. My grandma is named Terry and while I like her, she might be terrible. Her and my grandfather eloped to Reno to get married. The only problem was that at the time she was engaged to another man and had only known my grandfather for less than two weeks.

[Conor Friedersdorf voice] Maybe this is just a very complex critique of the public financing of stadiums! I mean, her academic work is very well-researched.

Trump is going to call him Jeff Dandruff Flake and we will never hear his real name again

It’s hard to properly articulate how big of a shit hole the Barrel Room was and how on-brand this anecdote is for that location. Imagine a portapotty turned on its side but big enough for a couple hundred people and the world’s most incompetent techno-dj to fit in and you can see why this is the bar Cuban chose when…

Birds are good and the sound of migrating canada geese is very soothing.

I will say that starlings can kiss my ass, at least when they’re the European variety and they’ve infested my American trees. Get out of here you fax-machine-sounding, berry thieving nerds

[inhaling an impossible amount of air like Kirby before launching into a Sincere Reply about Risk Assessment]