Memoir?! I don't even know 'er!

That's a scary thought.

But the Cubs won the World Series! That should at least qualify it for a "best of times/worst of times" situation, shouldn't it?

I know that Lennon-bashing is fashionable now, but I've heard plenty of stories of George's prickliness and his tendency to launch into vicious tirades when someone rubbed him the wrong way.

I know. But would you have said that before his cancer? Guess I'll call my act "Bruce Springsteen with Terminal Cancer"…

So you're saying you're not about being trendy, but IPA's aren't worthy of being talked about because they're not trendy anymore.

Yeah, people should always seek to be trendy instead of enjoying the stuff they really like.

I'm annoyed by that comedian who calls himself "Quincy Jones". And it's not even his real name. It's like if I started doing stand-up and billed myself as "Bruce Springsteen".

If nothing else, this article spurred me to get caught up with DN!, because I wanted to see this episode. But I can't. Yet.

Indeed, they are mighty, mighty hunters…

I was with you until you started defending Prometheus…

I call my vagina Dolly Parton—and I'm a dude! It does turn different colors, though…

This made my soul die a little and I want someone to be killed over it.

some chunks of the genuine Depp

If I had a band, I would pick a completely unique name then stick "UK" onto the end just for the hell of it, even though I'm not from the UK, e.g.:

"bread expert Hollywood"

Man oh man do I hate those fancy lads…

I contributed to his crowd-funding campaign and read the draft he sent out to contributors.

They say catchy headlines are a virtue but I don't have the tiiiiiiiiiiime.

I'm so glad they didn't cast that little cutie!