How abut a thank you for not having children day.

Save the trauma for your mama ... oh wait.

no points for gryffindor.

Finance cup ? Does this involve kicking a calculator around and what every number it lands is the number we steal from the public.

At least Pitt has more time to see his kids, if Angelina every un-chains them from her body.

The only Griffin Hart should take comedy advice from is Eddie , a real comedian.

Doughboy: Pumping iron, and eating. Ain’t nothing else to do in the motherfucking pen.

Sadly it seems my penis had traveled to a time before women.

what did the five fingers fifteen year ago penis say to the face ... SLAP!!!

Holy crap Adam Rippion boyfriend is a giant and his name is Jussi-Pekka Kajaala. Ha ha what the hell kind of name is that Jussi-Pekka Kajaala, Jussi-Pekka Kajaala , I keep saying it over and over in my head.

Yeah T-cruise is the man, you know he has special powers he even had a daughter without every touching a woman.

You really went through the entire bearded DJ list from A to Zedd.

I drive on cruise control because I don’t want to get a speeding ticket.

Do i make you tHorney baby.

cc: Asia Argento

I always wanted him to do a special called “laugh Again with Jim Gaffigan”

Hope this totally fake engagement doesn’t blow up in Ariana Grande’s face.

loved without borders

I’m waiting on the remake of bugsy malone with all adults.