My favorite season. 

Their city has colorful characters while yours does not.

Chicago yes? Everyone there sounds like one of the Ditka superfans. Fat, nasally pollocks. 

Frank Zappa. Greektown. Fells Point. Johns Hopkins (I hope you get cancer they can only treat there, and you have to explain yourself to them)....Pier Six is the shit. Crabs. Port Discovery childrens museum. Really cheap quality cocaine. Hammerjacks. Two real good head shops up off Eastern Avenue.

I know. My order is all dollar menu these days. A get a mcchicken, a double hamburger, small fry, and a large soda. Runs me about $5. And I only go as a matter of last resort, meaning its after midnight.

Jail gonna be fun for dem boyz eh?

Is there an 8 in a circle on the back of that?

It’s like they named Shaky just to make YOU happy. The world is a wonderful place. 

It’s a good thing your real estate agent, your sherpa thru the buying process, wasn’t shaky. 

It’s a thin line between setting up your kid to fail due to high expectations, and also lighting their paths to greatness. 

At the end when they exchange jerseys, you’ll have a Pope Spiker and a Bear Thrower. A toast to sportsmanship.

It’s tough to lay the success of your entire bracket at the foot of a 14 seed. But I respect you that much more. 

Also accepted: the letter U 

Sail on brother.

I object to the lazy application of crab meat as noun, verb and adjective by the entire Deadspin staff. It might have been cute the first time. But it is not a THING.

Hey, somebody bring this out of the greys. I spent time on this, it’s serious, it’s topical, and it may help someone. Thank you.

You were duly chastened and then doubled down. Stop it...just stop it

Another Smollett.

You aren’t worth the expenditure of real time, emotion, or actual words. You are beyond repair. Sadly you made it thru instead of the other sperm. Any of the talent that ran down your mom’s leg would be preferable.

No you have never developed the ability to listen, converse, even mimic an intelligent sentient being.