Due to a catastrophic injury, I spent part of 2005 in a wheelchair and due to such inconsiderate actions on the part of the airport staff, missed an international connecting flight and ended up in Canada illegally for 12 hours! Our Dartmouth-t0-Toronto flight ran slightly late and the promised airport wheelchair staff…

Good because I pay for them dearly. Tonight I will get an email like this:

Yeah, I paid $600 to have my hamster's tail removed because she was biting it really hard in anguish. The vet told me that her quality of life could still be good for several months and I really, really loved her.

My mother is OBSESSED with the Blessing of the Animals. She would bring all of our cats, fish, birds, pet lizards—everything. I visited her one year in Florida with my dog (who is now in doggie heaven) and I swear y'all she was more concerned about getting the dog to church than she was about me. Like "WHATEVER BECKY…

That was it! Yeah my mom used to take that rat everywhere with her. It's funny she HATED it when I first got it but when I was at college she fell in love with her. My mom would take her to the post office and all around town on her errands. There is picture of her in our local paper at church with the rat during the…

When I left for college, my mother got my pet rat a very expensive surgery for something cancer related (can't remember what it was off the top of my head now). I'm convinced it was because she could not bear the thought of losing me to college and my beloved pet rat to Asshole Cancer which also took my grandfather…

I mean... I once took a hamster to the vet when it looked like she was in distress, which it turns out she was. I shelled out about $150 to have her suffering relieved. I don't think that's too irrational, I think it was the kind thing to do for the poor little animal that was in my care.

Oh shit! How come shit like this never happens in my part of North Texas?

"I'm ready to settle down" within what sounds like the first half hour of the date? No. Absolutely not. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Get your ass home.

Cats would never do this to anyone— they just don't have the attention span. This is why I will marry my cat and live happily ever after.

Women also tend to have proportionally more surface area per pound of mass, which means that their skin will tend to radiate heat out faster.

Consider the fattest guy you've ever known. Shorts in the dead of winter, 30-ish degrees outside. Why? Because he's like an elephant, hugely self-insulated with greatly…

Muscle tissue has a high metabolic requirement, even when resting. Burning energy gives off heat. Men have more muscle.

I believe it was Tina Fey who said: "Helen Mirren is not proof that there are parts for older women, Helen Mirren is proof that there are parts for Helen Mirren."

I suspect the problem is not that women won't "act their age," but that there are so few roles written for women in their 40s, 50s and beyond in which they can be protagonists. Men who are Crowe's age are seen as pivotal, sexual, and dynamic; too often women at that age are relegated to being the helpful wife, the…

If you are trying to pretend that you're still the young buck when you're my age, it just doesn't work.

Team Cat Headquarters here,

Why is spring?

You can either pay the workers more or you can pay them more via welfare taxes. either way, its still coming out of you pocket.

Honestly, this racism goes beyond anything I would have expected back in 2008... Apparently it's only newsworthy when a black person:

The Conservative media will never be happy. Obama could give everyone in America a puppy and they'd say it was an act of aggression because some people are allergic.