Not coincidentally, every available seat is is a middle seat in the back of coach, between two colicky babies, and next to the bathroom.

I think it’s well established that Satan is affiliated with American Airlines.

I’m grabbing a bowl of popcorn and keeping my mouth shut for this one.

I would be first in line for a Stockard Channing Liz Taylor movie.

At what point does a depiction stop being a Photoshopped image and become simply computer-generated imagery?

It was the 70s, we didn’t even HAVE safety yet! Red meat and cigarettes were still good for you! The ocean was full of hypodermic needles! Seatbelts were merely a suggestion! Yarrr!

I cannot face Trump’s America without knowing what animals look like celebrities, goddamn it.

Waiting for someone to post a selfie on Pantsuit Nation wearing this shirt with their heartfelt story that a POC smiled at them on the subway.

I see you’ve met my teenager.

This was my thought.

Dear god we are just so very embarrassing.

Or Sacramento, which is the Florida of California.

You try to light a fire under your friends boring ass wedding and what thanks do you get??

Awesome story. I’m hoping my daughters will embrace my love of motorcycles. So far, so good.

Warren went to the University of Houston and to Rutgers for law school. She worked for Harvard, and the hiring committee said her heritage didn’t come up while she was being considered for employment. She mentioned it afterward.

I borrowed their sunscreen from a fried when I forgot mine. I fried.

Ben Carson is a yawn made sentient.

“I guess I’m not so gross after all.” —Anthony Weiner

Anthony Weiner not being dead in a ditch or renditioned to a black site in Yemen is proof that Hillary ain’t killed nobody.