more like Leonidas of ‘Roids.

Only a fool fucks with Phelps when he’s in compete mode.

And fuck all this nonsense about him partying when he’s not swimming. That man has spent more time honing himself into the perfect swimmer than any of us have spent doing anything (including jerking off). He ought to have a life permit to party the fuck down…

Darth Wader

Oh, come on. You could have easily gone with all “F” sounds but you quit after just three words? Here you go.

Everyone except for leader Annette Edmundson fell.

It’s like you can’t even count on quality officiating in Guatemala’s 3rd division anymore smh

Heck yeah. So much so, that they’re only allowed to do it until the black marks on the floating lanes.

Men’s Swimming Olympic Gold Medals since 1896:

This is my favorite comment ever.

He entered thirteen hundredths of a second behind and handed off to the next leg a full second ahead. In a distance that is usually decided by those hundreths. The guys a swimming god.

I never understood why the call it “Clean & Jerk” instead of “Jerk & Clean”. I mean, I always jerk first, then clean afterwards.

There’s a level on which my favorite part of this is the official press release containing the sentence “We are not screwing around, Philly.”

You do realize you are critiquing the technique of a bunt in a parody video??

Just wish Michael had turned on his brother mid-interview, made mention of his conspicuous lack of rings, and say that’s why Mom named you Martellus and not Marshowus

Sentient old broccoli or this:

I agree with this list in principle, however I think that Family Circus and Marmaduke did get a bit robbed here.

Hand jobs are awesome, and if you think they’re just for teenagers, it’s because your woman (or man) has got no skills.

Fourteen year olds giggled. Anyone older than that is asking, “Who the hell still gives hand jobs?”

Here’s your chart to live by: