Wait a while, ‘cause then I’d have to teach the bird to whistle a Wagner or Mendelssohn wedding march, and he’s a sloowwwww learner. :\

My parrot, who is valiantly trying to learn to whistle this tune, heartily approves.

My bulldog wants to know if there’s a record for length of time sleeping on the couch? Because she would claim it.

Seriously that’s pretty impressive. He’s steering.

I wish Otto had the power to cheer me up but I’m just so fucking sad and angry about Paris. Please keep skating though, little buddy. The world needs some good tonight.

I hate you for this comment but also love you for this comment.

I’m shitfaced on a Friday night here in Dubai (shocker) and I am going to ramble a tiddlywink because I can and because bipolar disorder and PTSD lead themselves to incoherent, non contextual finger darting. I take meds. Heavy meds. Seroquel, Klonipin, adderal. Schizophrenia and bipolar 1 and 2 and, and borderline run…

Not starring because I am glad that you have bouts but depression, but starring because you kinda hit the nail on the head.

Big difference. Because when I am depressed, even the best of things happening in my life could not make me un-sad. I could have everything going for me, everything that makes me the most happy on the best days. And yet I still want to die.

aren’t these the same general numbers as the rest of the US population though?

Yes! And finding President Martin Sheen in a wishing well. Also blowing up the plumbing and making people fly off toilets.

Moscow mule copper mug mug.

That’s a great movie and I wish I lived in that world, spitting rubies, sapphires & emeralds out of my mouth all the time & eating ice cream from a dead-guy freezer.

Sometimes I let him out in courtyard of my building, but not after dark. After dark he gets brave and I’m afraid someone’s going to take him home or he’s going to get hit by a car.

I believed this story until I got to the Baby Ruth.

Presidential candidate and inflamed rectal tissue Donald Trump.

This is a beautiful comment and I award you the Goonies equivalent of stars ... The Truffle Shuffle, of course!

Goonies be damned, Seattle’s Fratelli Brothers Ice Cream was apparently very tasty.

I’ve had this happen to me. When I was in DC I ordered food to pick up from a restaurant. When I got there, the restaurant had actually closed months before and yet their seamless page was still accepting orders. I got a refund but it was really annoying.

There is your money quote: