You and me both, my friend!

Talk about a Crudowner.

Seriously. I want to offer my services as a face-punching, mud slinging proxy.

His face has always seemed so douchey and punchable and this story is a big part of it. Ughhhhhh I mean good on her for venting and finding peace in a way that wasn’t just rehashing all the drama but if there’s any famous ex-bf who deserves a bit of mud-slinging it’s this guy.

I have a cheap smartphone, and every so often I get a notification that says ‘Bootstrap failed’. I laugh hysterically every. time.

Did you grow up in 1909 coal country? I tried to sign my kid up to be a picker (person who sorts crush coal from rock by hand), but something something child labor laws. Thanks Obama.

I was discussing the hassle of signing my two elementary school-aged kids for summer camps (it is a hassle because many of the camps are only part time, or won’t take both of my kids because of the age difference, etc.), and my co-worker was like, “what’s with all these fancy camps these days. when i was a kid we went…

Try the emus. I hear they’re delicious (if you can win a fight to the death).

Some crazy bitch once stole a puppy from the animal shelter I work at. Fortunately she returned it unharmed the next morning — I think because the puppy probably spent the night crying and shitting everywhere — but who the fuck does that? Who honestly thinks that’s a good/funny/smart idea? Assholes. Assholes, that’s…

First of all, I can’t trust someone with so little respect for the Temporal Prime Directive to be president.

We definitely are.

EW. I had one of those robot dog toys as a kid and it was def not as good as the real thing.

Same.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaa to you!

Greatest Of All Time.

No shit?

Hahaaaaaa!

Mr. Smuttins wants the mini donkey. So if there is a massive mini-donkey heist at a state fair, play it cool, okay?