That is just the cover story. The truth is that Osama bin Laden was not a zombie but Vampire Jesus (who gave his blood for you but now wants it back). Since the Red Cross —which grew from an old Templar order —is secretly injecting American’s with tracking capsules implated during blood donation to help the NSA and…

She privately e-mailed the CIA Director’s AOL account to set up an arms trade with Iran to send weapons to Zombie Bin Laden to kill fetuses in Syria, which would’ve been able to defend themselves had Obama not taken away their guns.

“She was inside the hospital in a climate-controlled area with access to her cellphone, access to the Internet and takeout food from the best restaurants in Newark”

Those people are dicks. So are the pescatarians who say they’re vegetarian.

Jewel is hawwwwwt! Meow wow wow. Sean penn whoop whomp whomp her song poetry whom whomp whomp.

A+

Linda was deaf, yes. They probably can’t do a non-human character because they wouldn’t be able to sign correctly with the standard three, short, fuzzy muppet fingers.

Let’s look at all the silver linings here.

You don’t want to “flick the bean.”

This makes me so happy. I can’t begin to say how comforting this will be to young autistic children, their siblings, and the parents who watch Sesame Street with them.

Who the fuck is asking Jeremy Renner’s opinion on anything?

Pretty sure he had a publicist but the toupee came alive one day and just ate them.

Mark Jacobs?

And not entirely hiding all their names and faces.

My go to curse is: May every step you take feel like you’re walking on Legos.

She’s not a heartless, child-kicking racist. She’s a heartless, child-kicking, LITIGIOUS racist. Duh.

Legit LOL’ed at this.

You win this round rabbit.

You think that’s bad? Try being the one responsible for designing exhaust ports.