Giuliani probably thinks you need to wear a condom to ensure you don’t contract VPN.

Multimillionaire pro athlete promises to buy mother-in-law a house; doesn’t tell her it’s a trailer. They truly lead lives the rest of us dream of.

That top image makes it look like he’s forcing Jeff Bezos to smell his belly button.

Can’t we just get the national anthem changed to “Like a Rock” and fix this problem the right way? All Seger, all the games.

He might have been better off on the 1950 Phillies.

It’s big boy season 

I heard he became a mail carrier in New York City.

It’s perfect for smuggling dino embryos off Isla Nubar.

“They never call it the hazing either, they always say ‘the event’ or ‘what happened in the summer’

Belichick: C’mon, it’s not like the guy murdered someone. Not that we check for that around here either.

Why don’t you ask God...he’s at the Yankee game with Marlins Man.

I gotta admit, hating the Warriors makes a lot of sense but Draymond can dick kick my grandfather off a cliff and I’d still rather watch the Warriors than the fucking Rockets.

“See guys? Not so easy keeping two sets of books,” -Bernie Madoff.

btw, I have a guy who can help with your ‘dog problem’

If he needs help with his stance I bet Larry Craig could offer him some helpful tips.

Dear Johannes,

Due to Hood’s refusal to play, LeBron has downgraded his handshake with Hood to “white guy who just closed on his house.”

As an Ed O’Neill stunt double?

His attorney? Rudy Giuliani.

“TOO SOON”