He's a pretty good example of "I have a problem so all the rest of you must be wrong." Hey dude. If coffee and tea get you sexually excited...well maybe you're the ONLY ONE who really needs to stop drinking coffee and tea, or dipping your balls in it or whatever the fuck you were doing that got you on this tear, kay?

My dad got my family a sammy when I was a toddler. We had many youthful hijinks! Oscar was the best doge!

You have to stick with the manly man’s Gawker properties narrative: Deadspin and Jalopnik are Good Blogs Frequented By Manly Men Who Have Disdain For Nerds, Geeks, Women, Liberal Hipsters, The Gays And SJWs.

Unless his Wonderlic score indicates some sort of proto-mentalist/mind-clouding powers, he’s not getting Brock Osweiler money*.

Did you see him with Helen Mirren? I needed a cold shower.

we all like her, are we all just like her???

I like her. I really, really like her

For sure allegations of witchcraft trump good old fashioned celebrity vanity every day of the week.

Oh, I agree. However, this narrative is a lot more amusing to consider.

I think something is going on with his appearance and he doesn’t want to be seen in public. Weight gain, mobility difficulties, god knows what. Something that doesn’t fit with the public image he’s cultivated, so he’s retreating from the public eye.

Agreed! Three of his closest friends say they can’t get ahold of him. I am sincerely worried.

Very suspicious that it was only a phone interview Richard Simmons......

Right? Nine months of rape vs. forced pregnancy with your abuser’s child is the worst Would-You-Rather ever.

Alternatively: wat

I don’t think us humans can understand the plight of half-human, half-robots as marginalized members of our society.

what

yeah kind of shitty!

He’s proud, perhaps for the first time ever. I’ll allow it. The real one who lacks class is his ex, who apparently shamed him.

“She didn’t get to see it that night, but she definitely felt it”

My dad used to joke that he would get spammed with ads for Viagra and for penile enlargement but no one ever offered a bigger hand.