and when i looked up, i saw what i signed was titled “Master Promissory Note.”

#brand

lotta comments about the wtf nature of her taking an uber and i couldn’t agree more. she shoulda taken a lyft. :(

“Look at you, owning stuff to even begin with, huh?”

Orgasm Sparknotes < Cum’s Notes

North Dakota: We fuck the environment & really drill journalists.

eh.

hey, mike, bad news. wifey says :(

Madeleine Davies, I am disappointed in you: money and gifts, but not power?

And I will never forget how fucking ugly this asshole is.

I will never forget how pretty or how bad of a man you were.

awwwh. yeah, thanks for the heads up. i had not read completely before i starred. :( at least we can un-star until this all gets overrun with red, yellow and orange brother. whatchyagonnado?

Marco Rubio: Still Thirsty.

The frozen head of Walt Disney says: “I support this as long as they aren’t Jewish.”

You’re only covering this cause it has Emma’s brother in it.

The saddest news of the week is that the original Pirates of the Caribbean ride might have been more accurate than Epcot. ::Takes out pudding pop after long coma, starts eating it:: What the fuck else could go wrong with my favorite stars?

“Just balls out” is one of the uglier ways to see a man of a certain age.

Trump 2016: Make Chunder Great Again

Now when I want to cry, I don’t think of my dead childhood dog. I think of looking down and seeing his face coming up from between my legs. It’s 117 for 117 for causing “vomit with rage and crying.”

I 100% believe that’s the face of a dude who has a lawyer that doesn’t believe in marital rape.