and when i looked up, i saw what i signed was titled “Master Promissory Note.”

#brand

lotta comments about the wtf nature of her taking an uber and i couldn’t agree more. she shoulda taken a lyft. :(

Orgasm Sparknotes < Cum’s Notes

North Dakota: We fuck the environment & really drill journalists.

eh.

hey, mike, bad news. wifey says :(

Madeleine Davies, I am disappointed in you: money and gifts, but not power?

And I will never forget how fucking ugly this asshole is.

I will never forget how pretty or how bad of a man you were.

awwwh. yeah, thanks for the heads up. i had not read completely before i starred. :( at least we can un-star until this all gets overrun with red, yellow and orange brother. whatchyagonnado?

Marco Rubio: Still Thirsty.

The frozen head of Walt Disney says: “I support this as long as they aren’t Jewish.”

The saddest news of the week is that the original Pirates of the Caribbean ride might have been more accurate than Epcot. ::Takes out pudding pop after long coma, starts eating it:: What the fuck else could go wrong with my favorite stars?

“Just balls out” is one of the uglier ways to see a man of a certain age.

Trump 2016: Make Chunder Great Again

Now when I want to cry, I don’t think of my dead childhood dog. I think of looking down and seeing his face coming up from between my legs. It’s 117 for 117 for causing “vomit with rage and crying.”

I 100% believe that’s the face of a dude who has a lawyer that doesn’t believe in marital rape.

But if they’re not dunked, how will my guests enjoy the coffeeballs?

again: