This is why my money is on a be-fattening spell.

I never wanted to be Stephen Colbert as much as when she slipped him the tongue.

“Daddy said he was close, and Mommy said she was too —then the doorbell rang, and it surprised and scared Daddy and he didn’t pull out in time.” tbh

i try. ;)

Friday is gin and tacos. Duh. ;)

fair enough. i mean, you’re probably drunk too? like black out drunk —also a monster.

I live in Ft. Collins a town of about 250k. The rental vacancy rate is less than 1% and at one point in the winter there were only 6 houses for sale in the whole town. They could pretty much ask what they wanted and ask for cash. It’s bananas.

I know, right? Like, I don’t necessary believe, but if I see an old lady praying over the body of a child in the rain on the street —and nobody is helping, I at least park there, watch, and call 911 and then drive off when the cops get there.

It’s the day that the dumbest, most entitled people need their tech repaired immediately at my work; I feel the hunkering down.

CO>WY —Just as pretty mountains and way less batshit insane.

::pours vodka in orange, coffee and cereal:: Hello, Thursday, we meet again. ::packs bottle in bag for “lunch”::

What did Corey Booker’s twitter account know, and when did it know it?

[important white person ideas, you guys]

MSNBC brought to you by White-Out and the internal fears of your dad. That’s MSNBC our morning anchor had a suspicious dead intern in his office!

MHP>MTP

Getting this tattooed on my ass was the best decision I ever made.

::sigh:: Those were the days...

No, honey, when I called you a GOAT wife, I meant greatest of all time.

Starred for the abd. I think he just home-schooled in jeeeeesuuusss.