Imma let you finish Michelle, Imma let you finish. (Relevant again!)

"fingers bag of Cheetos"... SLAYED me.

It's a "woman laughing with pasta" stock photo!

You kid, but this is actually how 50 percent of this country thinks. Or at the very least, 50 percent of the country is willing to vote for someone who believes what you just wrote.

"I've used the men's restroom a few times...I regret nothing."

"Sexual predators will take advantage of this to watch women shower, because that is what I would do. Also, I'm a terrible human being." -Florida Republican State Rep. Frank Artiles

I think you're needed over on Gawker.

My carrot baby's name is "Earth." Look her in the eye and tell her her life means nothing, you murderer.

it should be illegal to do what most of the papparazzi does. it's straight up stalking and invasion of privacy, etc. i am not going to act like i am not a consumer but jesus h christ.

I can hear their tiny screams.

Apparently, we can take a shortcut and just boil a few gingerbread men alive in order to get the gingerbread syrup!

I read this headline and I was like, "but she's only 13!"

i have ten years on malia but i wanna be friends w her. i could be her cool/uncool aunt. or something.

Malia approaching college-aged makes me feel this old. Especially when I see stuff like this from the 2008 campaign:

I have never experienced assault at the hands of a male feminist, but I have experienced Macktivism for sure. I only trust men who listen more than they talk about feminism (in a conversation with women), who are feminist in actions but not necessarily name. I look for nuances in conversation, reactions to real world…

I didn't understand any of this and also get off my lawn.

It's crazy to me that Lenny Kravitz is old enough for his daughter to have dated Michael Fassbender, like, a few years ago.

Really. You have sex with every woman who ever speaks to you. Really.

He was being sarcastic, you simpleton. Also it's adorable that you're so furious about how badly you're coming off here that you're following me around to every other comment I've made today and whining in my general direction. That's a good look for you, you should definitely keep it up! Not at all hilariously sad or…

If you give a fake number, it's because you never want to see him again. Also, no, I am not interested in finding out if he's going to violently explode after he has repeatedly not taken "no" as an answer or even bothered to read any of my body language saying I want him to stop harassing me. If it's a fake number,…