If you’re holding out for someone who agrees with you on every single issue you’ll be waiting forever. By any reasonable Progressive measure Sanders is by far the lesser of all the evils who have thrown (or will conceivably throw, as far as we know) their hat in the ring, outside of 3rd party candidates like Jill…

Om my gosh now I’m picturing my 80-year-old grandmother (who can walk just fine) riding around on one of those things rounding all these young men up like some kind of horny octogenarian sheepdog...

Yeah, me too. Platonic all the way.

Me too! I guess we missed the memo that we’re supposed to hate her now?

We also need to get my bff out of there. Her husband can stay.

SPF30 is some melanin haver shit. Us true day walkers require SPF50+

tell that to Anne Boleyn.

X Factor?? The X Files.

“This did make us aware that we need some kind of abstinence or sex ed program,”

Yeah this looks like it has absolutely nothing to do with original Jem whatsoever. Hard pass.

“Hi I am the Rock and I am going to make you fall even more in love with me, because it’s not enough that I am handsome with a chiseled bod, I am also the best human being.”

Will people *believe* that Kara is black now?

Because in the year 2015 being a Republican is synonymous with being a greedy, selfish, heartless person. All of the Republicans I know have one or more of these characteristics.

Here’s the thing: if the kid knows they hate a thing, and can articulate the reasons why they hate that thing, they should not have to eat that thing just because everyone else is eating it. That’s bullshit. BUT they should have to have tried it first and be able to articulate why they don’t want it.

Nah, sorry, that’s bullshit. As evidence, see: the fact that my parents did this, and look at MY weird-ass relationship to food. So unless you’re aiming your kid very specifically at becoming a food blogger who gets paid to write about how pancakes taste like nihilism, this isn’t really the way to go.

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

NO TAXATION WITHOUT MENSTRUATION

Narration: Amanda Jones thought she had it all.

With all due respect, if this is satire, it’s very poorly done. Most readers of this site are educated, bright, and quite humorous. If this was even a moderately well-written satire piece, more readers would have realized it.

Is that what was decided after the intended narrative didn’t catch on? LOL nice try.