This Dirt Bag is beautiful, thank you, Mark <3

I loooooove honey mustard so that first one actually sounds ok. And mayo is like, good with everything (damn you mayo!).

GAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Where's the octopus NOPE gif when I need it?

There was a large number of Japanese tourists that requested ketchup packets with their slices of pizza

My fiancee's family always eats their pizza with knives and forks. It's so goddamn weird.

Come to think of it, it was before the major recession hit...

I had a regular customer who would have fruit salad on pizza. The kind that comes in a can with the clementine segments and grapes etc., drained and put on a normal cheese and tomato sauce crust. He was a regular for years and ate quite normal toppings but went on holiday (I think to Greece) and came back asking for…

Best pizza, hands down: Barbecue sauce (YEAH, I SAID IT), bacon, caramelized onions, and gouda. Mmm-mmm-MMM. Delicious.

Pepperoni on pizza is like stained sweatpants, which coincidentally is what people who eat it are wearing.

Anchovies are for weirdos.

Oh noes!!!

your grandma had her priorities in order.

My brother eats like that and my father and I have had discussion about gently trying to inform him that it is not good for his love life. Every time he eats I have to think of the guy in A Streetcar named Desire.

Can we get a study on the disgusting eaters whose maws are like mysterious sound amplification chambers? Even with their mouths closed, they can make the crunch of a single potato chip reverberate throughout the house. Don't care how fast or slow you are eating I shouldn't be able to hear you chewing boiled rice from…

Solid reason, in my view. She might have wound up clocking him with a frying pan after twenty years of that!

Let me get it all in before the trolls get here:

Yeah. You suck. That guy very well might have sucked as well, but you sure as fuck don't get the white hat, cowboy.

Just to let you know, I earmarked my tax money to pay for this particular guy's pizza, so lay the fuck off. It's paid for, we got it covered.

The upside is that, if anyone has ever deserved a shitty tip, it's you!

Those ungrateful Poors. Obviously wasting money they clearly don't deserve.