Exhibit A: Taylor Swift is hacked

I got excited thinking it would be this Karen Walker:

OH MY GOD THE DOLLAR STACK!! Sadly this is more common than you would think. I've encountered it several times over the years. But only once was I actually able to do anything about it.

I would DIE if it was Ron Perlman again. I'd totes go.

Laws enacted to control businesses are enforced with financial penalties, not violence. What happened with Eric Garner was an issue of police behavior, not a fault with the law itself.

Are you just picking words out of a hat at this point?

Nancy, what the fuck are you talking about please.

Jesus Christ. People like you are why people hear "sorority" and think "crazy cult that people way too old for college are still obsessed with in a creepy way".

I hate that I'm saying this, but here it is:

And the best part is, he would LOVE this!

Kids are curious and if she gets the gun and somehow blows.her brains or another kids maybe you will apologize to pandaa and realize.pandaa was.right.

I don't understand why people insist on making these "I'M SO OLD WHO WHAT WHERE" comments. You are probably old enough to know that google is your friend.

Notice that the author, you know, writes for a living now so he doesn't have to deal with walking piles of watery diarrhea like yourself anymore as customers.

Hahahaha, you're a walking hemorrhoid.

That's my purse!
I don't know you!

Oh, for fuck's sake. Asking for "no ice" is not the same as asking for the excess mayo to be squeezed out of the slaw by hand. Your persecution complex is astounding.

"I never ask for anything different in a restaurant that causes any extra work for the staff"

I figured "better make it as obviously fake as possible." Multiple people apparently did not get the memo.

There absolutely IS something wrong with fucking up your server's/the restaurant's day because of your desire that the world revolves around you. No sympathy. None.

The...editors note that references a completely made up joke condition? As a joke? Because it's a funny explanation of something completely ludicrous? Were we reading the same story?