Brian Cranston (twice!), Megan Mullaly, and Bruce Jenner are my favorites so far.

I definitely dated the Radical Feminist (hi, A.) and almost married him, too. But this one...this motherfucker right here is the absolute worst:

I'm sure that the false FREAK THE FUCK OUT narrative pushed by this site (and others) in no way contributed to the ultimate closing of the store.

Get out.

I really like how my comment that began with "I think..." and specifies that it takes him out of "...my sexy column" was responded to with "speak for yourself". I mean, there are only so many pronouns available to me.

The first two acts are good. Then the author went "Shit! I have to wrap this up!" and everyone starts talking like Snidely Whiplash.

It's a pet bed. Don't segregate the pet beds. Pets don't need your species stereotypes.

Are you seriously the Cat Stealing Dog Bed Truther right now? Were all the conspiracy theories about chemtrails and the Lizard People taken up before you got here?

It's because real life contains people like you.

No one's strong as Gaston,
No one's long as Gaston,
No one's got such an incredible schlong as Gaston.
In Disney there's no one with half the talent
In the bedroom and with the brawn.

Pour one out for Grandpa tonight.

If "putting shit in a place one does not know" constitutes "stealing", my husband has also "stolen" all my documents. Damn the man and his compulsive reorganizing.

Other New Years Resolutions:

Look, while I appreciate the need to update this movie, you can't just go around changing key elements! Brand me a racist if you want, but I'm just going to come out and say it:

Please do tell us more about your special snowflakes. Link us to the blog where you must surely describe their superiority on a daily basis.

I can't see "charges" without thinking of The Babysitters Club, which makes me instantly warm and fuzzy.

Putting this out here:

Was it at a vegan restaurant which ostensibly should contain no meat or seafood whatsoever? If so, how does that make up for this lady even asking the question if they're just going to lie about it? Why even bother?

Was it a vegan restaurant that slipped in a little animal product for flavour? Because my experience with vegan restaurants is that they take great pains to not had animal products for flavour or otherwise. It's kind of their thing.

That's alcohol, bro.