First of all, I’m gravely disappointed in all of you for not trotting out the requisite Simpsons reference: “My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it!”

According to Alex Jones, et al., Jackson destroyed the National Bank to save our country from being taken over by Globalist financiers.
In other news, Alex Jones is an idiot.  

In the original draft, the threesomes are explained by Clint grumbling that it takes two Mexicans to do the job of one American.

And what’s the vig?

Maybe he can buy everyone fake IDs and call the health inspector because he never got to do that scheme

It’s a power move. There’s no greater way to indicate to someone how monumentally bored you are by them then to shit on the floor right in front of them while they’re talking, then casually magic it away.

Will he make people pay the troll toll?

I figured it was either that or his mad skateboarding skills.

The real villain, of course, was Mayor McCheese all along.

We all thought Grimace was a sociopath too, but he changed his ways and became one of Ronald’s best friends.

*Goes to IMDB after reading montemayor73's comment.*

*Spike Lee angrily tweets Sissy Spacek’s address*

some known Egyptions:

It’s the Egyptian Theatre. The Egyption is a King Tut themed breakdancing robot. 

Correction.

They should make a show about 411 and how because of the internet nobody uses it so the operators lay around the couch all day drinking and talking about their failed marriages. Their reveries are broken up by random calls from elderly people trying to find “that sandwich store that uses rye bread”.

I think “Ted Cruz got gorilla-masked over the holidays by what appears to be a whispy-pubed teen” might be a more appropriate headline.

Didn’t Cruz marry his beard years ago? RIMSHOT!!!

Sir, please collect your action figures and leave the garden centre. Security has been called.

This is championship punning, and deserves far greater acclaim than it has received.