.

I'm so itchy

The Gait brothers would be proud.

*not

As a former trauma nurse, I can confirm that I have seen an eerily similar female version of this injury involving the pelvis and vagina following a late-night date with a couple on a motorcycle and the guardrail. They were mot wearing protective gear either.

Holy Shit, he's Ma Gorg.

Beat to the punch, sorry.

The way to fix this problem is to stand next to the person and sing along, badly.

Kevin, you seem to hang out in the comments more than anyone else on Deadspin.

Mos Def, nooooooooo!

Nationwide should of displayed an ad showing Peyton Manning choking on that goddamned chicken parm while the jingle played in the background.

This ain't shit. They need to come see some of the necrotizing fasciitis wounds I used to take care of, or the multitude of open tib/fib fractures during motorcycle season. Trauma nursing was fun!

I second interception this.

Albert, was this near Clarksburg/Hyattstown? This sounds suspiciously familiar to what happened to my wife on that 13-hour commute home(normally 1 w/o traffic from DC to Frederick HAHAHA). She was stuck in a similar line, on a hill, behind somebody spinning their tires off of Comus Rd.

Jamie Doran should be Squidwort and Patrick is the Gimp. I don't know how else he would work. After all, "Grey" is pulp Twilight fiction with various mentions of bikini bottom.

Gronk had a nice takedown. I see a career after football for him where he wears nothing but leather cod pieces and tall boots. I just don't know if it's more literary erotica or wrestling.

You could hear the former player coming out in Collingsworth's voice. He said something like "What were they thinking?" but underneath was "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?".

Fuck this guy. "Chemicals". I bet this motherfucker gives out Lipitor like candy. I bet he thinks it gives 4-hour boners too.

Which one?

I bet you a five dollars bill that the joker was wearing khakis and a sport coat festooned with a flag pin.