Bullshit Yoko, I’ve been visualizing a better world for like sixteen years now and all I have to show for it is a bunch of crappy stories nobody wants to read, where’s my better world where dinosaurs are still around Yoko, where is it Yoko, WHERE IS IT YOKO???

How my never-havin’-kids ass feels every time I read about how expensive that shit is:

All those famous New York landmarks.

“You’re new here, right? Welcome to New York.”

I want to make a movie set in New York, but film it in my rinky-dink 27,000-some-odd-population Midwestern hometown. No attempts would be made to disguise the location beyond having characters repeatedly state that they’re in New York.

What kind of sucker pays an extra ten bucks when you can do it yourself for free?

“The whole office, they wanted to be treated differently because they were like creative writers. So I got turned off with all this and I just cut it. I had to stop what was going on and fired everybody.”

Well, as long as we’re coming clean...

Pretty sure we got more calls for the people who had our phone number before us, than we did actual calls for us the first few years we had it. A disturbing number of them were bill collectors.

Well there’s one thing I’ve never noticed before and will now never not notice.

WHY DID YOU REMIND ME OF THAT.

Also how fucking unoriginal do you have to be to think dressing up as a clown is still a totally cool way to scare people in 2016? It’s been done to death, guys. Maybe try thinking outside the box for once in your pathetic lives you goddamn uncreative hacks.

Hello?! THE MEDIA?!

Among other things.

This better not be a ploy to get at my bag of hamburger meat.

Walk around eating handfuls of loose hamburger meat out of a bag labeled HUMAN FLESH.

I read it as like, the entire ventral surface of her finger got ripped off lengthwise and it sounded so much more horrifying than losing it at the knuckle.