Waaaaay up inside your butthole.

Why would a car driving on the sidewalk bother pedestrians? It's dangerous and completely unnecessary.

My favorite storyline for the year: Will David Ortiz’s farewell tour be as insufferable as Jeter’s, or will he manage to make it MORE insufferable?

Are medical aesthetics when your doctor says “I don’t like the looks of that” during an examination?

“The exercise will last five weeks.”

I hear what he’s saying, and he acknowledges the danger in overdoing the ideas brought forth, but every prior generation thinks the current/later generations are lazy, selfish, weak, etc.

Yeah but Bartolo showed up in one of these, bitches . . .

You didn't have any sadness because you're a sociopath. Anyone who could kill three children with no remorse is a sociopath.

I never reply to anything about abortion because I’m personally undecided and don’t love taking flak from people on either side, but I would point out that those who oppose abortion might note that the individual left out of your comment is the foetus. If you believe human life begins at or around conception, this…

Because they redistribute the hair (“wealth”) uniformly?

“You can read the whole interview at USA Today.” Well unless you’re Joe Montana that is.

How do we know it wasn’t the Skechers Shape-Ups?

This woman is a true hero. I should celebrate by sending her pictures of my genitals, right?

At what point does this stop being funny and become symptoms of CTE?

#WhiteLivesCantJump

Another tip off may have been the fact that she explicitly introduces him as “NFL player Chris Long” before the clip of the interview plays. I realize that’s very subtle and everything....

Thank you, I actually had to Google, “leading with the crown of the helmet” to see if it was still against the rules because I couldn’t figure out why the announcers and the idiot officiating expert hadn’t brought it up. That seemed like the most clear cut, textbook example of that penalty there could possibly be.

“Well, she’s got no experience, destroyed the company she ran and got fired because of it, but she rooted for Iowa in the Rose Bowl so I guess I’ll vote for her”

Jet fuel can’t melt a brontosaurus.

A picture of the proposed fire pit: