Can’t

His appeal to African-American voters in recent weeks: THINGS ARE TERRIBLE! IF YOU WALK DOWN ANY STREET YOU’LL GET SHOT 25 TIMES! VOTE FOR ME BECAUSE IT CAN’T POSSIBLY GET WORSE!

May be quibbling here, but I think he’s trying to distance himself from charges of political bias. I get why he might want to stretch a comparison just a bit to make it work, shrug.

Kevin, are saying DC cops have more training than DC cosmetologists? Make your untis equivalent, man!

Yep, one’s openly racist, and the other has deleted emails. Always make sure both of those things get equal mention because they are in fact equal.

Jonas Salk.

When I do this, I generally get naked before I get on the field. You also need to get slippery so security can’t get a good grip on you. MLB stadiums banned bringing in outside Vaseline after 9/11, so you can just rub yourself down with a stadium burger. Note: Do not try the hamburger thing in a stadium near a large…

Well, at least it’s realistic. If you zoom in, you can see that the upper deck seats are empty and everybody outside is walking away from the stadium.

He also tweeted a photo tonight of a fight where Tommy John injured his shoulder, and then mentioned how his recovery “made history.” That was also deleted after a number of users reminded him that your elbow and your shoulder are not the same thing. Rough night for Darren.

Carmelo goes to a favela to see how the underclass lives without incident while 32 year old frat boy Locknut pisses on Brazil and run home spewing bullshit.

Demarcus Cousins broke into to tears after the sudden realization that the next time he would play basketball it would be for the Sacramento Kings:(

Official statement by Ryan Lochte:

[Roger Goodell]: “SHAME!”

I think we should be more worried about this 4th swimmer who is attempting to swim all the way home

Nope. In track, the terminus is an infinite vertical plane that must be broken with your chest. By leaning into it, you're going to reach it faster than by simply running vertical. Diving is actually going to be a little faster. The base, however, is going to be further from your hands by diving than from your feet by…

Deny to try and suppress the fact that Rio is a total shitshow and they have no control over it.

IOC spokesman (pictured); ‘ didn’t happen, everything’s fine.’

You do realize you are critiquing the technique of a bunt in a parody video??

orly