90s-white-girl-with-dreads nose ring.

Rude attempt to put the onus on the customer for a server to get their name/order right, or polite reminder to the customer that not everyone speaks/hears language the same way?

and on into space!

If those kids wanted to have their lives saved, they should have chosen to be born in America. That’s just bad decision making on their part; I’m tired of bailing out dying kids when there are huge multinational banks and AMERICAN megafarms that need my taxpayer support.

I used to love to watch all the home improvement shows; This Old House, Yard Crashers, Rehab Addict, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, etc. because I enjoyed fantasizing about all the amazing things I was going to do with my house when I finally bought one.

Now that I have my house, I hate watching all those home…

The only menu Taco Bell needs/will ever need is the 59/79/99 menu. Ten tacos for $6 on a drunk college night was a lifesaver; I imagine a hefty percentage of my student loans were spent on taco boxes.

you sound young.

If there’s ever any game show that should be produced in Africa, it’s Black Jeopardy, and make sure it’s actually hosted by Kenan Thompson.

Donald Trump, in lyrical form:

Sam “Mayday” Malone knows the right answer:

I just don’t understand why Shaq, the third-best paid NBA player of all time, is still hustling so hard? I see him on commercials for a sketchy discount insurance carrier and endorsing other weird/sketchy products like crazy.

EVERY McDonald’s in my area has a morning “old man group” that gathers every morning, orders coffee and breakfast and bullshits for however long they want to. I would LOVE to see the manager that tries to get them to leave after 30 minutes.

Oh shit; don’t let anyone at The Root hear you trying to push warm potato salad on us, Karen.

I fully expect this article to be included in Friday’s clapback.

She’s be a way better announcer (Johnny Gilbert) than host (David Ruprecht); unless she does both duties.

“OOOOOOH SHIT! Jackie just ran past the giant pack of thick-cut bacon to grab some bland-assed Swiss cheese in the deli section! Come on, Jackie! Bacon is expensive as hell right now! If you gonna get that giant…

4. The Drum

Boop boop, who got the keys to the Joop?

Fun to see Alyson Stoner on the stage for a sec. All those little kids from the Missy videos are grown-ass adults.

AT&T is hurting for cash. They’ve laid off tens of thousands of employees in the last few years to fund their buying spree (Time Warner, etc) and even before this strike, the employees that are left in the “legacy” businesses of Wired and Wireless have born the brunt of their cost-cutting in their effort to become an…

Are you sure? It sure seems like Frank Burns is in charge.

“GIN AND PANIC’S GIN WAS PRODUCED IN A STILL MADE BY KOREAN WAR ARMY DOCTORS FROM JEEP PARTS, AND FILTERED THROUGH THEIR SKIVVIES.”

Am I doing it right?